What happened to my gratitude?

It was happening again! The sudden loss of air, the panic attacks..... The frequency in occurrence had increased recently. Now I was really angry, not only was it affecting the state of my mind, it was now affecting my health. I had gotten to the height of it! Why does every thing seem to be going wrong, what did I do to deserve this? my mind reeled looking for who to blame... Now this is the worst part: not finding any one to blame! So if no one was at fault, so who was the cause of it? Some one has to be at fault? Then it came to me....It must be me! Oh how sad, I am about to go down the pathway of dissatisfaction and depression, but something stopped me short!

My therapist came to my rescue once again. I had gone off the tangent so many times in the past. He was getting tired of my pity party and constant complaining. I would whine and whine about how things didn't seem to be working, about how I was making so much effort and nothing was happening, so why should I be blamed for being so unhappy? Did he think I did not want to be a happy person, if only things would just go well...and on and on I whined away, while he just sat and watched me.

When I was done, he asked me one question: Does the world have to be perfect for you to be happy? I was about to begin my whining again, but he cut me short. Do you know that happiness is a choice he asked? A choice not dependent on your circumstances and situation, but on a decision to just be happy! He was making sense, but he does not understand, I am owing so and so money and I don't have any idea how to pay it and my health has not being in the best place lately. So how can I choose to be happy when some one else is not happy because of what I did or did not do? He looked at me and shook his head, as if to say; you would always find an excuse if you keep searching....

Are you doing something to make the situation better, he finally asked? Then I nodded my head in affirmative, slowly coming to the realization that I was actually making all the effort I could. Then decide to be happy and let the decision not be based on the fact that everything is perfect, but on the fact that you are doing your best and that the Almighty is also working behind the scenes to make everything work out well.

I thought deeply about what he said after our session and I realized that not only had I lost my peace in the last few months, I had also lost my gratitude! I remember the days when I used to be grateful for the tiniest things...That I drove from Ojota to Ikeja on an empty tank and the car did not stop on the road, that I found 100 naira in a bag I hadn't carried in a long time when I was still in the university, and it was enough for me to buy a day's meal...Or just for the pleasure of reading a good book. Gratitude was my staple in those days and life used to be so good. 

It seemed as if the universe drank in the stream of my gratitude and multiplied it several time over. Thank you Jesus, used to be my favorite slogan, but now all I could see was everything that was not working!What happened to my gratitude?

I changed my perspective that day and made a decision, I said to myself; I choose to be happy from this day on, no matter what my situation is. It was like the veil was torn open, because suddenly, I realized the miracles my creator had been bestowing on me every day and I had taken it for granted because they did not seem glamorous or spectacular. I began to realize that no matter how bad it got, there was a way, no matter how hard things seemed, I never lost my vision or my sense of hope. 

I learnt a few lessons that day:

1. Without a sense of gratitude, you loose your peace: For me, gratitude is a state of thankfulness for the gift of life and all the beautiful things that the gift brings. It is an appreciation of the blessing of God in expectation that his promises would come to pass in your life. When you are grateful, your sense of peace increases.

2. You can choose to be happy no matter the circumstances: Before then, happiness used to be about what was going wrong or right in my life, but I have realized that happiness is a state of mind that I have to constantly choose no matter what I am going through. Life would bring up's and down's, challenges and triumph's, we might not be able to control that, but we can make a choice to be happy!

3. Stay positive: A positive state of mind always gives birth to creative avenues to improve your circumstances. One of the fastest ways to generate positive energy, is spending time to reminisce about the goodness of people and God to you. It increases your sense of gratitude and gives you the energy to go on.

Have you lost your gratitude? Please get it back!

Would love to hear from you in the comment box below;

Stay empowered,

Tale.