I made a mistake and that's fine!

Its been long over due, I am shocked at my ability to admit this; But yes I did make a mistake! And for the 1st time in a long time, I am able to say it without killing my self. I hear the other voice in my head screaming: don't admit that you are wrong, it would be admitting defeat! Why don't you wiggle out of it like you always do? Justify it with some fancy English word, or blame it on someone else, but never admit you are wrong. It is a sign of weakness! I was happy to finally liberate my self from this ignorant brainwashing.

It all began with years and years of perfectionist brainwashing; be careful, don't go here, don't try that. Or if you try and you are wrong or you fail, then you are told; you shouldn't have done that! or my favorite; you should have known! That's so cool right? Wrong! Especially because no one was born with all the knowledge and wisdom they need to navigate the earth, all of us are on a journey trying to discover the right path and follow it.

However, this brain washing worked. I developed a strong sense of defensiveness, and decided, never to be wrong or to always find a way to wiggle out if I am accused of being wrong. I learnt the perfectionists formula for survival: 

1. Always try to define the outcomes of your decision and have a plan A, B,C and even J for whatever outcome that occurs, so that you can always say: I knew what I was doing!

2. Always involve someone in execution(This is good as long as it is team work, not alibi positioning): If you fail, you have someone to share the blame or take the blame! If you succeed, you share the glory, fair enough!

3. Always take the path of least resistance-Has someone done it before and succeeded? Has it been tested? then you are sure you would never make a mistake! I am laughing out loud!

Believe me, this survival guide almost sounds logical! Well it did to me and it worked just fine, until one day; I followed them to the letter, but got an outcome I never prepared for! It was devastating, Alibi's fell apart, logic did not prevail. I replayed it in my mind over and over again: I took the tested path! I got others involved! What did I leave out??

It was a devastating experience, all my comfort walls were knocked down like the wall of Jericho  I almost sank into a cage of depression, but then one day, I heard a whisper: You made a mistake and that's just fine! I immediately rejected the voice! I do my best not to make mistakes I responded vehemently and wept my self to sleep. Days went by, my heart softened and I began to listen inward again and I realized, lo! I am only human and I too make mistakes.

That day freedom came and I realized like a wise man said; hindsight is 50-50. Yes we can be led by the best guides, but because we don't hear perfectly and we might receive wrongly, sometimes we make mistakes and we should not kill our selves.

I found my liberation and I am finally able to say, I made a mistake and that's fine. I live free and I live happy! 

What about you?

Love 

Tale