Rolemodel Friday: Ode to the Millennium Lady:1936-2000

The news headlines were buzzing, it was all over the papers, the World was about to change!

We heard all sort of stories....computers would crash, the world might end, cars might stop moving and on and on the rumor mills went. It was a field day for the armature gossip columnists. All of a sudden 'experts' on the millennium were being minted every where, but she lay in the hospital bed oblivious of all the excitement and activity around her. I suspect she was the one really having the experience of a life time, she was about to meet her maker............

My grandmother was a rare gem. I know people might say that about their grand parents, but mine was extra special. I was totally in love with her. She was style personified. Her life was a mixture of paradoxes; She had been the wife of a rich man and entertained influential guests most of her life, but she was humble and simple till the last day.

She always appeared frail, especially during the last days, but she was a strong willed woman. I remember waking up in the early hours of the morning to her soft tunes as she sang in her native language. I would always run to her and greet; Mama Oghene, and she would touch me and reply Oghene nwam in delta Ibo.

I would interrogate her for hours curious about her childhood, the kind of life she lived, what sort of man her husband was- he passed on 16 years before her and if she was happy. Those were fascinating times...

I found out that she had been the most beautiful young maiden in her village, her husband had come home from Enugu as a prosperous young man in search of a wife and of course, he had being presented with the 'crown' jewel.

She settled into marital life quickly and began to breed like they used to. But hers was a bit different, because she had married a powerful man who had an appetite for light skinned women. Soon after, he married a second and a third, each one lighter than the last! She lived with the fact that she was no longer the favorite wife, but that did not stop her from carrying her self with dignity, and organizing the compound.

I once asked her; ''why did you not re-marry, since your husband died when you were still young and the tradition of the time was that you were to marry his brother or another relative. She said she vehemently refused! because she had, had one marriage to last a life time. He was an authoritarian man, who took charge of his family and ensured his wives were well disciplined. She regaled me with tales of times when he would send her out to call her friends to sleep with him ( and they would come!) while she stayed away to give them privacy and when she came back, they would all pretend that everything was fine. As she told me, I knew it had hurt her, but those were the traditions of the day and meeeeen, my grand dad must have been and  Adonis!!

She was not school educated, but was quick to tell us to spend time on our studies, because she believed it was the key to our liberation. Her famous line to her children was; 'keep looking at your book, if you look hard enough, you would understand it' How hilarious she was, such good spirit and cheerful countenance.

She was a caring women and extremely selfless. She was always giving out all her money and to this day has infected all of us to be givers. I had never seen my Father shed a tear until the day she died, of course he quickly wiped it away so that we would not see as a 'strong' Air force officer cried. But that day, I understood that I was not the only one who had loved her so dearly.

She always said matter of fact; the day any other man sees my nakedness is the day I would die. I remember my last visit to her on her hospital bed; She was going in and out of consciousness and then her wrapper fell off her body, with the doctor standing there. Then and there, I knew it was time..............

I always used to say to her in my bid to spite my lovely mum; that when I have my own babies, she would be the one to come and stay with me, but alas she did not live to see David born in 2008. But she lives in my heart and some lessons I learnt from her that I would never forget are:

1. Take a licking and keep on kicking: Life had thrown her curve balls and incidents that had made her cry, but she refused to be down and out. she always kept a brave face and kept on going like she was saying to the world; I am still here, come get me!

2. Clean up nicely, no matter the contents of your pocket: My Grand ma was the queen of 'put together'. When it was time for an event or a party, she would wear her nicest and favorite clothes, bring out her lone coral bead, and wear her eye pencil and kajal nicely. She could clean up nicely, you would think she was worth a million bucks, but she wasn't!

3. Get your priorities right: I watched her everyday I was home from school. Her priorities were always before her. She would wake up early in the morning to make sure breakfast was ready and the house was clean. She would tend to her little ice block making business and then ensure that everyone's clothes were ready for the day. She did not have to do all these, but it was her habit that she had formed for years. Family was important to her and she made it her priority.

4.Smile, no matter what you are up against: I don't know how she managed to keep her self happy and smiling but she smiled. She was at her happiest when everyone was happy. Yes she had down times, when she grumbled or was excessively strict, but she was excitable like a child. Her smile was always a breath of fresh air.

5. Always keep your head up: I mean literally! The woman walked like she had it going on! There was always an air of self respect around her, even as she was getting older and beginning to bend, she always tried to carry her head up. More like; life might be making me bend with it's weight, but I am going to keep my head up and keep moving!

It's been 13 years since she left us and if we could choose the date we leave the earth, I suspect she chose the year 2000. She always made a quiet statement, she was real royalty to me!

Who is a true role model to you, and what have you learnt from the person? Please share your thoughts in the comment box below.

Stay empowered
Tale