LEAN IN TO YOUR LIFE 2-Don’t leave your life to happenstance

1.      Lean in to your dreams: I remember when I was a child, people always ask me: what would you like to be when you grow up? I had been programmed to say A Lawyer or A doctor. By the time I got to secondary school, it hovered between an Accountant or an Ambassador because I wanted to travel the world. This formed my decision to fill Accountancy as my first choice and International relations as my second choice. Many years later, I found Accounting, especially the historical aspects quite boring. I have however maintained my love for number and it has helped me in building financial models for my business and even learning a bit of pattern cutting for my fashion business.  

I started like this, because I believe everyone has a dream, but a lot of us get a ‘reality check’ of paying our bills and maintaining our life styles that we forgo our dreams because many times, it doesn't seem realistic. Truthfully, maybe you can’t just jump in to pursue your dreams, but can you begin to take steps towards it? Can you do some extra courses in the area of your dreams? Or can you volunteer to get experience in the area of your dream. Can you start your dream as a weekend business/hobby? Or can you start doing it part time? Don’t just let your dream die, begin to take steps towards it and one day, you would be living the life of your dreams. Lean in.

2.      Lean in to our finances: I just told you to start doing something about your dreams, but that does not negate your finances. I have found out that a lot of women are emotional about financial decisions. When we believe in something, we can just put all we have to support it or to do it. I think that’s why women are the Pastor’s favorite congregants, we are moved to give our by emotions. Now that’s not to say been led to give is bad, or sacrificing your money in the short term for a long term greater good is bad, but we need to lean in and take charge of our finances. You need to ask yourself some sincere questions; why did you spend that money? Why did you buy that item? Why did you make that decision? How does it fit into your long term goal?

     As a woman, either single or married, house administrator or working class, having a grasp on our finances is important. It starts by setting some goals; what do you want to achieve with money? Do you need to pay rent? Buy a new car? Pay school fees? Support your spouse or your parents/siblings? Or maybe buy land? Or a House? How much do you need to achieve this? What are you going to do to make it happen? How much do you need to set apart every month to make it happen?

I have lived by a spread sheet (Microsoft excel) for a long time and sincerely it has helped me curb emotional spending. And even when I indulge in it, I go back to my spread sheet and adjust my finances to cover for my excesses, by deducting from another of my spend items.

A simple way I have learnt to be financially disciplined without feeling like I am making too much sacrifices is by paying myself a certain portion of my income which I call ‘Tale’s paparazzi’. I named it that because I use the amount for my indulgences, but I still have other items covered. I understand that sometimes unplanned events happen that can blow your budget, but don’t give up, adjust your plan and keep at it. The important thing is that you are actively leaning in to your finances.

3.      Lean in to your relationships: We all need help and support in one area of our lives or the other. Life is more interesting and fulfilling, not because of the money we earn or the riches we have, or the accolades we receive. Life is more interesting and fulfilling because of the people we have to share it with. A lot of times we get caught up with trying to achieve or attain or become that we forget what really matters; people.

 I have been guilty of this. I set goals for business or career etc, but I think relationships should just happen. I have learnt now(I am still work in progress) that I have to cultivate relationships and lean in to my relationships. The first step is to ask yourself, what relationships do I need to develop? How would I go about it? What information or places to do I to get to, to make it happen? For example, I am interested in golf and would like to play one day, but I have been told it’s a dry game and I think I am more interested in it because my Father is a golfer ( lol for the daddy’s girl). The other day I decided I needed to learn some golf terminologies to help me converse with my Dad better and just by asking my Dad what his handicap was (A golf term for a player’s skill level) made him warm up to me more.

I want to challenge you to be proactive about your relationships. Do you need to contact old friends or colleagues that you haven’t heard from in a long time? Or do you need to consciously join a certain association or go to certain events that would increase your chances of meeting people that would add value to your life? What about simple things like putting a reminder on your phone to call loved ones? Don’t just let life happen to you casually, lean in to your relationships and you would live a richer and more fulfilled life.

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. I am also willing to answer your questions, so please keep sharing and share this article with others….

'Lean in' to your life!

‘LEAN IN’ TO YOUR LIFE

The word ‘lean in’ has been made popular by the recent book written by Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook  I am yet to read the whole book (I look forward to), but from the excerpts I have read from various credible sources like Cosmopolitan and Time Magazine; I get the message she is passing. She is encouraging women not to leave their careers or the work place before it is really time to leave. She wants more women to take charge of their career choices and not see it as a trade-off between family and career.

This got me thinking on various levels and aspects of life. I have begun to question which areas of my life I have unconsciously left unattended to, because I feel there is nothing I can do about it right now or because of current circumstances and prevailing situations.

A lot of us run our life’s on auto pilot, it seems much easier to let the wheel keep rolling the way it is, than to confront the status quo and take charge of the moment. The worst feeling I don’t like to deal with, is helplessness. I always like to know what to do about a situation or challenge and when I can’t find a solution, it keeps me worried until I do, unless I feel God nudging me to surrender and ‘lean in’ to him, and then I find peace.

However, God expects us to take charge or lean in to our lives and not live our circumstances to ‘fate’. Someone said; your future is a blank canvas, create what you want it to be. So let me challenge you and encourage you to lean in to the following areas of your life:

1.      Lean in to your spiritual development: We hear this a lot in our places of worship, but I heard an analogy by TD Jakes recently that was thought provoking; he said it is the muscles that we work on that would develop and grow stronger and eventually serve us. So if we want to be in tune with the future, the fastest way is to develop our spiritual muscles, because it is the Supreme being that knows the future from the now, so if we lean in to God and listen to his ways and his plans, our future is more assured and we can make plans from now into the future. How do you lean in? Make it a priority, set achievable goals like spending 15-30mins every morning or evening in meditation and study.

2.      Lean in to your intellectual development: If you are like me, you are not interested in going to any long duration educational program any time soon, but that does not stop you from learning and developing yourself. These days, there is an overflow of intellectual materials everywhere. You can find it on the internet (That’s why you are reading my blog), in books, from attending conferences or short courses. You lean in to your intellectual development by deciding what area you want to develop and setting plans and goals to achieve it. For me it’s to become a better fashion entrepreneur and retailer and I have been spending days, weeks, months reading up everything I can find on the internet and through books and I have a couple of courses lined up to make my intellectual development dreams a reality.

3.      Physical fitness& Health: I am yet to meet a woman who does not have a challenge with her body image and trust me, as a Fashion entrepreneur, I meet many! Some complain that they have big stomachs, arms, buttocks etc. Some think they are too fat or even too thin. I do my best to encourage them to love themselves and make the best of the bodies that God has given them.

That is a first step, the next step is; what can you do to improve it? Are you doing any form of exercising? My sister’s gym instructor told them the other day, that if you think you are overweight, it is just ‘FAT’ and you can lose it! You might think it’s not so easy abi? Well I feel you, because I am on a weight loss journey myself. But the important thing is to lean in and do something about it. What can you do about your health and fitness? If you can’t register in a gym, find something you can do at home, can you take a walk or jog? Or can you lie on the floor and do some crunches? My brother inspired me recently, when he showed me his personal trainer app on his iphone, because it showed me that you don’t have much excuses anymore with technology. It is a journey really, but do something about your health and fitness, set goals and lean in.

TO BE CONTINUED WITH OTHER AREAS WE NEED TO LEAN IN NEXT WEEK

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. I am also willing to answer your questions, so please keep sharing and share this article with others….

ANASTASIA-Breaking free!

PART 3

Two days after she got back to school, he called….He was as charming as can be and tried to make up for the almost disastrous date. She had played calm that day and managed to go along with his friends political charades, but she made up her mind that she was not going to be involved in this sham called an arranged relationship. She had ignored his calls until she left the country, and promptly deleted his number before she changed her sim card.

Her friends; Tonia and Rachel had inundated her with information about their amazing holidays in the Caribbean’s. She drank in their excitement, but knew that was not the life for her. She had never been about casual dates and fast parties, she knew she had the looks and could easily fit into the cycle, but she wanted something deeper, which at this moment she didn’t think was coming any time soon, she sighed and carried on with her activities before the call came….

How are you doing sweetie his voice came alive with a drawl, she was taken aback by his self confidence. She quickly composed herself when she realized he was the one; how did you get my number? I have my sources he said with a laugh. She knew it must have been her mum or maybe her unrelentless matchmaker of a Dad. She cut the call short with the pretext of running late for classes, but he was resilient! The next day he called again and then the day after that, by the end of the second week, he had worn her resistance out with his persistence.

At the end of the month when he flew in to see her, she knew her Father had won. She felt good that he had chased her persistently although her concern about his brashness didn't stop, but what did it matter; she was having the best of both worlds….. She was in Dad’s good books, and she had a man that seemed to hang on her every word, howbeit a bit pretentious she thought, but quickly swept it away.

Henry’s world was totally different from what she bargained for; she found herself shuttling back and forth between school and different parts of the world to attend business and political events with him. She couldn't remember the last time she read a book or picked up a pen to write a sentence. His life was on a different pedestal. The only compensation she had was that her law knowledge seemed to help her stay at par with the discussions. Sometimes she wished she could disappear into a corner and not be part of what she considered not so relevant… but Henry was always the perfect companion, he knew how to make her feel at ease and his sense of humor helped make boring situations interesting.

He seemed to have only one weak spot; or weak reaction to a human being; He always seemed uncomfortable around the Eastern Senator’s wife. He seemed to stutter around her or so she noticed the few times they had met her at events. Mrs. Kwesi on the other hand was extra nice to her, always complimenting her about her looks and figure. She could swear that her comments had sexual undertones………… She casually mentioned it to Henry once, but he quickly dismissed it as a mere joke.

THREE YEARS LATER

The graduation party was over the top. Her mother out did herself this time she thought with a smile. She would have been totally annoyed by the opulence if she didn't know that she knew her intentions were good. She noticed Tonia and Rachel whispering with excitement in a corner and walked up to them but was surprised that they quickly straightened their expression. What’s up girls? Nothing much, we were just admiring that handsome guy over there. She shook her head in disbelieve. She never envisaged they would still be her friends after all these years. They had remained fun seeking, happy go lucky ladies. She could have sworn that their admission into Harvard was influenced by their parent’s wealth….. The good part of the friendship was that they seemed to get along well with Henry IV and his crew.

She looked around for him and wondered where he had disappeared to, their relationship had had a lot of tension in recent times; she was getting bored of their high octane lifestyle and was beginning to desire a different path.  She knew that marriage should be in the cards now, as her Dad had been hinting unashamedly in the last 6 month, but she was not sure she wanted to, or maybe not him…. Hello my sweet angel, she felt him grab her from behind. She turned and faced him in annoyance, but once again, his smile melted her defenses. He always had that effect on her.

He quickly pulled her towards the band stand and took the microphone from the singer, she turned to look at her friends, and from the vivid excitement on their faces, she knew what was about to happen. Her heart sank a bit, they had not spoken deeply about their future, but she knew she could not afford to embarrass her parents in such a public event, so she put on her best face and played along……….

He made a long speech praising her many virtues, it was quite nice, but in her dreams she had imagined the proposal from her beloved would come in a private special place, not in front of 300 guests. She smiled when he went on one knee and brought out the ring; as expected it was nothing short of perfection-a perfect combination of 5 carat diamond with a massive emerald stone. No wonder her mum had insisted she wore the green dress, she would rather have preferred the lilac one as the shade was softer and she thought it suited her more, but her mum had been overtly persuasive, she now knew the reason as she starred appreciatively at the ring that had just been placed on her finger, which complimented her dress perfectly.

Her father promptly took the microphone and congratulated them with a perfect speech she was sure he had rehearsed several times the day before. She was quickly swept into the embrace of her mum and her friends and every one began to dance.

The day could not have been more perfect she thought as she walked to the rest room to ease herself. She heard a faint cry, and almost ignored it, but it got a bit louder and then the voice was muffled by another. She changed direction and walked towards the room. Something seemed to urge her on, so she walked faster, but kept her footsteps quiet. She lifted the curtain and saw them…. Now she finally understood all the years of discomfort and why he always behaved funny around her.

N.B: In life we find ourselves fighting with decisions about whether to compromise or not. Sometimes these decisions are made subtly, in our subconscious; when we choose the path of least resistance or when we decide to go with the flow, we begin to settle and sometimes compromise on things or values that are important to us. Have you taken the path of least resistance lately?

PART 4

She watched them kissing for several seconds before she reacted; she was shocked, not by catching Henry IV and Mrs. Kwesi together, but by how passionate the embrace was and the anguish she saw in Mrs. Kwesi’s closed eyes. Now she knew why Henry was always uncomfortable around her, she berated herself for not figuring it out! She had been too caught up with her studies and trying to balance the intricacies of Henry’s lifestyle, that she had missed the fact that he had never been passionate towards her. He had been sweet and charming in an almost sisterly manner, she had thought he didn’t want to behave inappropriately towards her because of her Father, she could have listened to her instincts……..

She cleared her throat and made sure they saw her and walked out immediately. She was devastated, but she felt strangely satisfied by the fact the she had seen Henry IV speechless for the first time since they met. He was not going to charm his way out of this one. She ran to her car, switched off her phone and drove for a long time. It was the longest drive she had taken by herself. But it was a very liberating experience.

She drove to the next state and checked into a hotel with another name. She wept herself to sleep that night and the next night. Then decided that weeping would not do her good any more. By the third day, she switched on her phone and quickly sent her mum a text. She knew the woman would have almost died of worry. She had seen her immediately spring into action even before her graduation party was over, with plans for the wedding. The woman was amazing; she could have been a great event planner if she had not decided to stay in the shadow of her husband. Several messages came in immediately but she decided not to read any of them. She told her mum she was fine, but needed time to herself and if she wanted more details, she could speak to Henry.

She switched her phone back off and stayed in the room for one week. It was a time to for reflection………. She remembered how it all started over four years ago. She had been young and naive. Her novels had been her favorite companion. She has filled herself with so much romantic notions that even when she saw the signs with Henry, she did not pay attention. She wanted it to be real, just like in her books. But deep down, she knew she was not so gullible, but the perception of being in her father’s good books had overshadowed her sensitivity. What had started as a charade had become her reality.

Just last week after her graduation, she had proudly ridden with her Father to his law firm, he had introduced her as the newest junior partner, and she was finally living ‘the’ dream. Now lying on the bed in this room, she wondered whose dream it was now. She took solace in writing in the notebook the hotel had so kindly provided in the room. She had not written anything that was not school work in years and it felt really good….

At the end of the week, she knew it was time to go back, but she had decided to find her own path in life and stop living with the fear of displeasing her father. If he really loved her, he would want what’s best for her she thought vehemently.

EPILOGUE

It had been a tug of war when she arrived home. Her mother had been sympathetic to her. Apparently Henry IV had told them he had a causal affair with Mrs. Kwesi, but it was ‘nothing serious’. Her mum told her that was how men were, but they would always come back home to their wives in the end. She could not believe her mum, but was more shocked by her Father’s insistence that the engagement and wedding had to go on.

She had never realized how much his political ambition and desire for power had blinded his heart, so much so that he was ready to pawn his daughter for favor with the Chief of staff.  She tried to play along with them, but the sight of Henry was repulsive to her. She gave him back the ring to the dismay of her Dad. He applied all forms of emotional black mail, but she stood her ground until he told her that she would not have a place in his firm, if she did not marry Henry.

It had been devastating for her to leave the firm, but this time, she knew she was making a decision for the greater good. She also decided to move back abroad, as it would be difficult to live with her parents after all that transpired. For the first time in her life, she was going to be her own woman; maybe she would even write and publish a book like she always dreamed……

THE END

What’s the point of this story: By writing this story, I hope to challenge the reader to ask themselves the following questions:

1.      Who influences your life’s decisions?

2.      Whose dream are you living?

3.      What are you compromising to by taking the path of least resistance?

4.      Do you love yourself and believe in yourself enough to find your own path?

     Stay Empowered,

     Tale

SEIZE THE MOMENT!

I am taking a break from Anastasia’s story( Part 3& 4 would come in d next write-up).

I want to make a difference I mused in my time of quiet meditation. There is so much I want to do, to give and to achieve, but with all the rejections I have received recently by putting myself out there, I am not sure any more if there is any need for me to fulfill or meet, or any problems that is left for me to solve………..

I conclude that therefore I am free to live as I please and pursue the passions that catch my fancy, at least it’s not a bad thing to solve my own problems first before I go out and try to become a super ‘heroine’? But the gnawing thoughts don’t seem to disappear….. after days of trying to feign nonchalance or as they say” I don’t care attitude’, I realize that there must be something that I can still do, there must be a contribution I can make to this complicated world. But what is it I ask filled with confusion?

Then I go back to the potter and have this conversation:

Clay Pot(Me): Dear potter, I don’t think you have any use for me anymore, all the things I thought you made me for, I see others doing the same thing, maybe you no longer want me to function as you told me I would.

Potter: I don’t change my mind just like that! I haven’t changed the reason why I made you; you still have the assignment I originally gave you.

Clay pot: well, why did I go and do what I believed you asked me to do, and it did not go well? Am I flawed as a vessel? Or did I use my functions wrongly?

Potter: I asked you to carry out the function in your full glory, I did not ask you to showcase another person’s function. I asked you to confidently perform your function, for that is when the full reason why I made you would manifest.

Clay pot: So what went wrong? What did I do wrong?

Potter: It is not what you did, but what you did not do! You did not believe that there was something special enough about you that I wanted you to share and showcase. You thought you had to hide behind other vessels and share the shadow of their glory.

Clay Pot: So what do I do now to function as I am meant to do?

Potter: Seize the moment, do your best at what I have currently asked you to do. Make the best of it, for in it lies the key to the next level and when it is time, I would let you know and you would know the next step to take………

Clay pot: I now understand and I would obey.

Have you tried different things in your bid to become all you believe you are called to be and it did not work out? Have you retreated back to your hiding place in confusion and disappointment? You still have an assignment like the potter told me. Seize the moment in your present and be the best at what you have before you, for in it lays your next level.

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. I am also willing to answer your questions, so please keep sharing….

ANASTASIA- breaking free from stereo types PART 2

She woke up with a determination to begin her packing. She had to go back to school a week earlier to enable her settle in, before the workload came pouring in its usual overwhelming manner. The ting of disappointment still lingered in her heart. Maybe you expected too much she berated herself, as she reminisced about her date with Henry IV the night before………….

She remembered when she had first seen him, and how her heart skipped a beat. His presence commanded the room in an amazing way; you could sense his self confidence from miles away. He stood assured, and surprisingly, it was not about his looks. Yes he could pass for a fairly good looking man, but what took her breath away was his smile. She knew he was a charmer and the kind of man she would have quickly retreated from if it was not her father’s arrangement. But once she saw him, she decided that she could do with the challenge; howbeit to entertain herself a bit, or proof to her father that she was not his pawn.

He had asked her to dinner the following weekend and she wanted to turn him down because of his forwardness, but she caught a glimpse of her mum’s expression, nudging her to accept. Why not she said with a slight smile and decided that maybe it was not such a bad idea. Then when he text her a day before that he could wait to see her beautiful face; she thought that it was quite cheesy, but her romantic heart got the better of her. 

The excitement was slightly dampened when he sent his driver to pick her up. He called a few minutes later to say he had to stay late for a meeting. She sat in the car fuming, but decided to appreciate the luxury of the silver Jaguar instead of putting herself in a bad mood.  It was the latest model; she leaned into the exaggerated leather sit. She had read on a website that it was a limited release with only a few of them made in the world. She knew his family was rich and powerful of course, which is why her dear dad was interested in using her as the bridge to access that power.

She had always wanted to please her dad. From the time she was little, she had craved for his attention and his affection. Yes she knew he called her his princess, but she also saw that he treated her brothers like they were more superior. He was interested in how their life turned out and spent time with them making plans for their future. But her brothers were rebels at heart, with the exception of Kwame her favorite, she smiled as she thought about him; he was gentle and never wanted to hurt anyone. That’s why he would make a great Doctor she decided with a smile.

She had witnessed her father’s devastation when Kofo Junior announced he was going to pursue a career in photography. He almost had a heart attack. No one blamed Kwame about his decision to study medicine, because it was always a given. As for her, one was really interested in her career choice, her mum had always tried to pull her from her books and make her focus on more ‘girly’ stuff, like putting on Makeup, fixing her hair and shopping, but she didn't have the patience and time to indulge in these unless she had a serious date. She always dreamed about becoming a writer and writing bestselling books, but that day when she saw father in a state of anguish, she had a change of heart.

She was going to become the most successful female Lawyer in the country and Harvard law was the place to start; then maybe finally she was going to get her Father’s approval and be treated like a capable equal she thought… We are here the driver announced and jolted her out of her thoughts.

As she stepped into the restaurant, she noticed him, but paused in annoyance when she realized he had other people on the table, she thought this was a private date but alas he had invited her to be accessed by his business clique…………………

TO BE CONTINUED

N.B: Have you taken time to examine the decisions you made in the past or you are currently making? What were the things or people that influenced you? Why has your life gone this way thus far? Are you living ‘your’ life or the life that someone else wants? Think about it.

Be empowered

Tale

ANASTASIA-Breaking free from stereotypes

Anastasia! Anastasia! Her Father bellowed in his deep powerful voice… she shivered and quickly jumped off her bed and dropped the Ruth O’Donnell novel with a clang. She had been caught up in the fantasy of the handsome vampire who fell in love with a young medical student, she knew it was all made up, but at 20, she had began to desire that kind of love; pure, passionate and hungry! She sighed knowing that she might never experience it as she rushed down the stairs to meet her future husband……

Kofo Azumba was a powerful man in his country. He had just been appointed the Chief justice of the nation, a well deserved appointment he smiled to himself remembering all the political maneuvers it took to get himself atop the president’s list as his favorite nomination. Right from the time he decided to become a lawyer, he knew that he was going to pursue his career all the way to the top. It was his ticket to greatness and he had kept his goal in sight and pursued it relentlessly for the last 25years.

The only glitches in his well oiled plans were his sons! When his wife had 3 boys successively, he had been very proud, now he had 3 ‘men’ to carry on his legacy and run his prestigious law firm, or so he thought. It had been disappointing to see Louis gravitating to Fine Arts, Kwame was a scientist at heart, so he was forgiven, but the most disappointing was Kofo junior, he had all the makings of a fine lawyer, but he had recently announced that he was going to Paris to pursue photography! The son of Chief Justice Kwame Azumba a photographer? He sighed in annoyance until his sweet Anastasia came to his mind. She had been unplanned, one of the rare nights of passion he and his wife had shared 21years ago.

Anastasia had been a quiet baby; she seemed to have been born with the natural elegance of his mother. She was gentle and soft spoken or so he thought until he overhead her challenging Kwame to a game of scrabble, which she won three times and would have continued to win if he had not given up. She had a quiet determination and a stubborn resilience. He was happy to have a daughter; though not as excited as he had been with his son’s, but she had stolen his heart and maybe she would be the successor he needed howbeit unlikely. But she had made him proud recently when she announced she was going to Harvard Law School. He had been too busy to discuss career choices with her as he had done with his Son’s, so her announcement was a pleasant surprise to him…..

Yes Dad, Anastasia answered as she came within his sight, she had been dreading this moment, Henry Maudo III was the Chief of staff to the president, he was rumored to be the most influential man in the nation and her Father had been desperately trying to make him an ally. He had hit several stumbling blocks until recently when his first son Henry IV came back to the country to take over the family business. The moment her Father met him, he came back that day and told her he had found her a perfect husband! She had rolled her eyes at her dad’s ramblings. Who finds a Husband for their daughter in the 21^st century she had told her mum sarcastically trying to dismiss her dad’s plans. But now two weeks later she knew he had been serious. Her mum had informed her the day before that the Maudo family was joining them for lunch and she was to be at her best appearance.

She walked in the room trembling but determined to defy her Father’s match making plans. Then she set her eyes on Henry IV and her heart skipped a beat……………………

TO BE CONTINUED

N.B: Anastasia is like a lot of us, with someone who we strive to please and sometimes are willing to sacrifice our own personal desires to make them happy. Is it worth it? We would find out in the next part.