---I sat
staring at the TV screen I didn’t know when tears began to pour from my eyes,
something she said resonated with me; it was the words of every woman who was a
victim of abuse: ‘Maybe it is my fault’! I had this experience when watching ‘Why
did I get married’ and ‘for colored girls’. I cried along with these women who
blamed themselves for provoking the abuse or instigating the abuser. In their
eyes, the abuser seemed to have done no wrong, maybe it was their fault………..
Over the weekend, whilst spending time with
my siblings, I finally opened up about going through emotionally abuse. I had
spoken to God about it several times and forgiven the instigator over and over
again, but I had never really spoken about it to anyone.
Why did I not
speak about it?
1.
Maybe it was
my fault!
I have heard this so many times in movies and reality from victims of abuse.
They claim that they were the ones that provoked their abusers to physically
assault them or emotionally insult them and degrade them.
2.
I was ashamed! We all go
around looking put together like we have everything going well; it is very
shameful to open up to people that this ‘well put together’ and absolutely
intelligent person has been demeaned by a fellow human being.
3.
I had no
physical evidence! I thank God for all the outrage against physical abuse and
battering, but how do you show evidence of mental and emotional abuse? How do
you tell people that your fellow human being has spoken all sorts of obscene
words to you for so long, that you have begun to believe you do not have any
worth or value? What is the physical evidence of this greatly damaging abuse
that could be the cause of a lot of people ending up in mental wards?
Abuse like Myles Munroe says is the abnormal
use of a thing. A lot of people are working around with great dysfunctions that
have been triggered by one sort of abuse or the other. The sad thing about
abuse is that it comes from a fellow human being. God commanded us to be
fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth and subdue. He told us to subdue the
earth and not our fellow human beings.
A lot of victims of abuse are not first time
victims unfortunately and that is why they continue to subject themselves to dysfunctional
relationships. For example, a girl who has been told from a young age that she
is ugly or lazy or a never do well, might seek validation from an abusive man
because she thinks: if she can change the person’s opinion about her, she would
have changed herself. Unfortunately, this makes her vulnerable to more abuse
and can make her loose her sense of self-worth totally.
Emotional abuse is the most dangerous type of
Abuse because like I earlier mentioned, there is no physical evidence to be
treated, but the pain and consequence of it is evidenced in the behavior and
decisions of the sufferer.
I have seen a few people that are self-destructive.
They get into a good relationship and destroy it. They get a good job and
sabotage it; they get a good opportunity and bungle it. To the ordinary eye
they are plain stupid or crazy, but if you look deep within, they are only
manifesting who they think they are! They don’t think they have any worth or
value, so subconsciously they sabotage themselves……….
In part two, I would write about practical
steps to recover from abuse, although I must admit it’s not a one day process. So
if you have been a victim and have being in denial, maybe it’s time to admit it
to yourself and know that; it is not your fault!
Have you being a victim of any sort of abuse?
How did you deal with it? Please share and bless others…………..
Love and Peace
Tale
