IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! Recovering from Abuse-Part 1

---I sat staring at the TV screen I didn’t know when tears began to pour from my eyes, something she said resonated with me; it was the words of every woman who was a victim of abuse: ‘Maybe it is my fault’! I had this experience when watching ‘Why did I get married’ and ‘for colored girls’. I cried along with these women who blamed themselves for provoking the abuse or instigating the abuser. In their eyes, the abuser seemed to have done no wrong, maybe it was their fault………..

Over the weekend, whilst spending time with my siblings, I finally opened up about going through emotionally abuse. I had spoken to God about it several times and forgiven the instigator over and over again, but I had never really spoken about it to anyone.

Why did I not speak about it?

1.      Maybe it was my fault! I have heard this so many times in movies and reality from victims of abuse. They claim that they were the ones that provoked their abusers to physically assault them or emotionally insult them and degrade them.

2.      I was ashamed! We all go around looking put together like we have everything going well; it is very shameful to open up to people that this ‘well put together’ and absolutely intelligent person has been demeaned by a fellow human being.

3.      I had no physical evidence! I thank God for all the outrage against physical abuse and battering, but how do you show evidence of mental and emotional abuse? How do you tell people that your fellow human being has spoken all sorts of obscene words to you for so long, that you have begun to believe you do not have any worth or value? What is the physical evidence of this greatly damaging abuse that could be the cause of a lot of people ending up in mental wards?

Abuse like Myles Munroe says is the abnormal use of a thing. A lot of people are working around with great dysfunctions that have been triggered by one sort of abuse or the other. The sad thing about abuse is that it comes from a fellow human being. God commanded us to be fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth and subdue. He told us to subdue the earth and not our fellow human beings.

A lot of victims of abuse are not first time victims unfortunately and that is why they continue to subject themselves to dysfunctional relationships. For example, a girl who has been told from a young age that she is ugly or lazy or a never do well, might seek validation from an abusive man because she thinks: if she can change the person’s opinion about her, she would have changed herself. Unfortunately, this makes her vulnerable to more abuse and can make her loose her sense of self-worth totally.

Emotional abuse is the most dangerous type of Abuse because like I earlier mentioned, there is no physical evidence to be treated, but the pain and consequence of it is evidenced in the behavior and decisions of the sufferer.

I have seen a few people that are self-destructive. They get into a good relationship and destroy it. They get a good job and sabotage it; they get a good opportunity and bungle it. To the ordinary eye they are plain stupid or crazy, but if you look deep within, they are only manifesting who they think they are! They don’t think they have any worth or value, so subconsciously they sabotage themselves……….

In part two, I would write about practical steps to recover from abuse, although I must admit it’s not a one day process. So if you have been a victim and have being in denial, maybe it’s time to admit it to yourself and know that; it is not your fault!

Have you being a victim of any sort of abuse? How did you deal with it? Please share and bless others…………..

Love and Peace

            Tale