SEX AND THE SINGLE LADY!

I have struggled with writing this topic for the last one week, but the truth is; it has been on my mind! If you read this blog regularly, you know that I have a relationship with God and so my view points are somewhat biased on that basis. This topic would not be any different, but I want to have a real conversation…..

Episode 1: My friend looked at me in shock and asked: You mean you are not going to have sex until you get married? I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, because up till this point I had carried my ‘morality’ with pride and now I was beginning to feel like there was something wrong with me for making a decision to abstain. Then she prodded a little further; if you have not had sex before, then I would understand, but you have been sexually active for a few years and all of a sudden you want to become a nun? I haltingly blabbed that I would stick to my decision, but I was not sure any more….

Episode 2: My American colleague came into the country for a series of meetings a few years ago. After a successful week and a few good deals in the pipeline, he decided to treat me to dinner in one of my favorite restaurants. This gave us an opportunity to get personal and talk about life.

In the midst of that conversation, he wanted to know how I was ‘getting on’. I told him I wasn’t ‘getting any’. He starred at me in shock and said; if you don’t get some sex to clear your brain, you might not make the right decision in your next relationship! Now that hit me in places that I didn’t know existed. So logically sex starved (aka abstaining) equals cloudy brain therefore might lead to bad relationship? Now that kind of starred my logical brain and took a hit at my morality. It definitely got me thinking…..

Episode 3: I just got out of the bank and was overwhelmed by the requirements I needed to put together to get the LPO financing I was seeking at that time. Just as I rushed to my car to get my company seal; he drove up next to me, my ‘subconscious’ noticed him, but I immediately put the thought aside and went back into the bank to complete my task. It took another hour to fill all the forms and by the time I was walking out, I was thoroughly drained and exhausted. I got into the car and I was about to start my engine, just then he tapped on my window glass, I wound down and he introduced himself. Yes, it was the stuff ‘romantic’ movies were made of because he had the ‘type’ of name to go with it.

I wasn’t in the right mood, but he coaxed me for my card which I gave him and drove off. I must confess it was good entertainment for me after a hectic day. However I soon forgot about him until I received a call from a strange number the next evening….. Well suffice to say, Mr ‘X’ turned out to be a married man (Are all the hot guys married?) whose claim to need for companionship was an unhappy marriage. I immediately briefed him of my ‘no dating married men’ philosophy. And I thought I had heard the end of it until he called me to offer some business help and when we were getting friendly again; he ‘unleashed the dragon’.

He graphically told me of his many talents in bed and how if I allowed him to serve me a ‘three course’ meal it would be a combination of Mediterranean, intercontinental and Mexican in one meal. Now he got my attention, not just because I had been abstaining for a while, but also because I hadn’t ‘tasted’ so many ‘flavors’ in one meal! The boring end to this episode is that I turned down the meal plan and cut off the relationship…..

MY CASE FOR ABSTINENCE

It used to be a thing of pride in the good old days to ‘keep yourself’. Now you are almost foolish for even attempting it! And there are varying reasons especially in this day and age where ‘finding’ a good man seems like a herculean task. I have heard; if I don’t taste the pudding how would I know that I would like it when we get married? Or how am I sure you can have a baby, why don’t we prove it now before marriage? So despite all these, why do I make a case for abstinence?

1.      You keep your dignity: How many times have you given your cookie (borrowing Steve Harvey’s phrase) and the cookie monster ran away? When you abstain from sex outside the defined institution, it helps your sense of self-worth and dignity. You might not be getting any, but at least you are not sharing to undeserving citizens and you can work with your head held up high.

2.      You protect yourself for unexpected accidents: Even health practitioners are quick to allude that abstinence is the best way to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy and infections. Yeah I know there are condoms and following morning pills, but won’t you rather stay safe than sorry?

3.      You use your sexual energy to fuel your creativity: Yep! Napoleon Hill wrote extensively about this in ‘Think and grow rich’. There is no need to keep all the energy pent up, spread it doing creative things and you would see your success in life increase. So when you feel the urge, get creative! Be like me, write a blog (lol), or sing, or visit friends or set audacious life goals!

As a single lady, your sexual needs are real, but you can choose how to express it. Let’s have some real conversations; I would like to hear from you!

Peace and Love,

Tale,

Ps:  I am tempted to write about sex and the married abstainer next…not sure yet