Resist the silent treatment, be assertive!

I read the email I just received from mr 'X". I was pissed off! seriously! What gives him the audacity to dictate to me about this particular subject matter? I am getting tired of the fact that he is more talk than action! What to do? I hover between ignoring him and replying him with the most vindictive tone............

I take a deeeeeep breath, say a short prayer and sought counsel from my "therapist'. Don't let other people's bad habit contaminate you, he told me in more words than one. You don't have to react to people because of the way they treat you, keep your head and always be rationale. I sighed at this advice because as much as it is true,but oh how I would have savored the sweet victory of the silent treatment or that short inner sanctification that comes from a vindictive response, but alas................... I have to be the bigger person!

I replied the email after re-reading my response several times to ensure it was decent and the communication was clear. After this incident, I looked back to my past responses to similar situations. I have always hovered between the silent treatment and the nasty!

Extremes have been my forte! As a christian, I have always told my self that I don't have to react to people, but my solution to 'not reacting' has been to either ignore the person aka silent treatment or mentally 'X' the person from my communication list aka Malice......

I have since realized that both of these approaches are not good and might be mis-understood to either mean you don't care or that you consent to what the person has said or accused you of. I have also found out that being aggressive and responding 'pound for pound' is also a dangerous approach, as you might inflict more harm than good.

Communication is very important. And as I was taught in business school, there are 3 types of communication:

• Aggressive: This is say it as you feel it or the confrontational style of communication. Like I described above, choosing this form of communication might mean you speak harsh words that you can never take back and might do permanent damage. I remember the saying: words are like eggs, once they are 'broken' you can't put it back again.
• Passive aggressive: The silent treatment or sly comments could fall into this type of communication. This is when you say a lot by not saying anything. You could pass off as being stubborn, arrogant or uncaring. They say silence means consent, are you really consenting to the accusations?
• Assertive: This is the best and clearest form of communication. When you adopt this form of communication, you clarify your self without being rude or derogatory. You also do not leave room to be mis-understood and you leave room for the relationship to be repaired.

Women have been know to be famous for 'dishing' out the silent treatment! I am not saying it is going to be easy to change, but I have since realized that to be able to build healthy lasting relationships, we need to resist the silent treatment and be assertive!

I stop writing and sigh, oh why do I have to be the bigger person? thinking....................

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Stay empowered,

Tale