WHEN THE GOING GET’S TOUGH……………….

I haven’t written for over a week, I have had to deal with various distractions and it has been an ‘amazing’ month! Sincerely, it has been quite tough. With all that has happened I am in awe of myself that I am still able to give thanks to God. I give thanks, not because I feel happy about various disappointments and manifestation of human flaws I have had to contend with, but because it’s what God commands.

Thinking about it further, I am actually grateful that I am maturing as a human being. If I had gone though a similar experience over a year ago, I would have sunk into a pity party and withdrawn into a shell of despair, but I am actually more stable at this point. As I ponder at the happenings of the month, I stumble upon an ‘O’ magazine from 2007 with the sub-title ‘what to do when the going gets tough’ I smiled at how timely the article came to my notice and I am amazed at how God seems to bring the message you need per time.

So in summary, what do you do when the going gets tough?

1.      You acknowledge the reality of your situation- As human’s, we are prone to extremism's  we can either pretend all is well and wear our mask and carry along like nothing is wrong, or we can sink into the depths of despair like the world is against us. But a better approach is to acknowledge that what happened actually sucks! You can even share with people who can offer genuine comfort and encouragement, because we all need a shoulder to lean on. Also I have realized that when you acknowledge a problem, it gives room to identify the situation.

2.      Look for the positive in the situation- Yes, what happened was bad and people have been unfair, but the reality is there must be some good in what happened. Open your eyes and heart to find it. For me, my ‘good’ like I pointed out was that I am becoming more mature in handling tough times. The second thing is that despite all the trouble around, the peace within is never lost. I always know I am not alone. What is the positive aspect of your situation, can you identify it? Finding the positive keeps hope alive.

3.      Find a new dream or a new motivation-Someone said a setback is a set up for a comeback. After you have mourned or sulked a little about the situation and you have found some positive light in the dark place, find a new sense of motivation. Motivation or dreams that can motivate you are the things that Oil the wheels of life. Having a compelling dream would get you out of bed in the morning, it would make you stay up late at night and it would put a spring in your step and confidence in your heart.

So when the going gets tough, like they say; the tough get going. I am going to keep moving; I won’t stop or drop off the bus until I get to my destination. And I won’t stop writing as long as I can, so keep reading and look forward to Anastasia’s story soon…………

Stay empowered,

Tale.

FREE YOUR SELF TO LOVE

Adanna, if you don’t do your tasks and learn how to be a good home maker, you would never find a man to marry you! Well mum, newsflash: I am not planning to get married! She didn't really mean that and almost felt bad about how shocked her mum looked at her pronouncement, but she was getting tired of the constant badgering….Adanna comport yourself, Adanna a lady does not speak like that, or Adanna men want women who can be all rounder’s!

Remembering her recent crush on Joseph that made her stomach flutter, yes she sighed, she wouldn't have minded spending the rest of her life starring into those eyes, but why does love have to come with all those rules and laws her mum was imposing on her?

Fast forward many years later, the fairy tale has ended! The so called man she ended up with turned out to be an irresponsible jerk! Or an egotistic person! Or maybe she didn't even find any man who had the guts to propose marriage to her, more like a self fulfilling prophesy. They didn't have the guts to appreciate my glory she would think with a condescending look at all the men she knew who were potential candidates that never stepped up.

However deep down in the heart of many Adanna’s laid the inner pain, the inner insecurity; maybe I am just not good enough like my mother said. Maybe that’s why I attracted a man who treated me so badly, or maybe that’s why I am not able to find a man to love me and marry me…. That’s a place she doesn't like to go, because it was a troubling place that brought tears to her eyes. She would quickly wipe the tears, throw her chin up and go on being the sophisticated and successful woman she was perceived to be. Even her cynical attitude towards relationships seemed to add more spice to her swag!

I have sat where many Adanna’s sit. Making myself a victim and allowing the negative voices in my head to navigate my future outcomes. But my heavenly father and 1^st love has brought me to a place of deeper realization that I had gotten it all wrong. He has opened my eyes to see that I am:

1.     I am loveable: he loved me so much that he gave his most precious and only son to die so that I may live abundantly. Who does that for someone if that person does not have great value?

2.     I am created in the image of a superior being: we always tease my brother Segun, that he is a splitting image of my dad. This has helped me understand what it means to be made in someone’s image: You are just like them! If you are like God, you can’t be a lesser being or an inferior person. You don’t need to have inferiority or superiority complex. How about God complex? In his image and likeness!

3.     I am fearfully and wonderfully made: When God made us, he took his time and created a person with the right proportions, with the right materials and with the right dimensions. Soft enough to cry, yet strong enough to carry the weight of life. Just perfect!

4.     My identity is derived from God: a lot of us have sought to define ourselves by what those closest to us think, or what the society expects. But all those things are at best average definitions of who we really are. Our real identity should be derived from above. He is the one that should determine what we can or cannot do.

5.     I have the right gifts and skill sets to excel: Everything we need to excel on this earth, God has put the potential on the inside of us. All we have to do is identify it, accept it, sharpen it and unleash it. I might not be as good as you in some areas, but I am good in others, and I would celebrate myself in those areas and free myself to become all I can be. Just perfect!

So ‘Adanna’, if you are reading this, you are good enough! Free yourself to love and be loved and to enjoy all the universe has in store for you. You might be 20 or 55, it’s never too late to free yourself of limitations of the past to become all you need to be!

Stay empowered,

Tale.

N.B: Adanna is a fictitious character I made up, but the context is real. I would be starting a series based on the lives of 5 fictitious women: Anastasia, Sophia, Maria, Hannah& Gabriel. I hope to be able to portray their stories from trials to triumphs, which would hopefully inspire us to become 5 star. Look forward to it……

THE DIALOGUE: I WANT YOU BACK!

I spent some time speaking to her; on the outside, she was the perfect package of a quintessential good looking and sophisticated woman. She seemed to have it going on; a good job, a well placed husband and the ability to afford some of the fine things in life.

It started as the usual girl talk and then it went deeper; I knew she had been trying for kids for some years and casually asked how that was going. I did not know I was about to open a deep wound that had been concealed by layers of makeup and other finesse.

She told me casually: I have stopped trying! I was shocked. Why I asked? Because I am probably not cut out to have a child. Any way I don’t care anymore she said, trying to sound casual, but my senses were alerted, there must be something more….. Then I pointed her to the bible says ‘none shall be barren’, what is God saying to you I asked?

I have stopped praying she said matter of fact! That instant I felt her pain, I had been there before, in the path of pain, those years when I went through heart break and decided I was done with God! Please speak to God about it I pleaded; he loves you too much and feels your pain. Not now, It hurts too much she responded and at that moment I could feel the tears pouring down her face through the eyes of my mind.

I wanted to touch her and hug her, but alas blackberry hug emoticons was the best I could share for we were connected by the messenger we had been chatting through.

At loss for words of my own, I heard a voice: 'I want you back!' And that’s how the dialogue began:

Voice: I want you back

Lady: why?

Voice: Because I love you

Lady: snorts, yeah right!

Voice: I really love you very much

Lady: ( with sarcasm in her voice) if you love me so much, why am I going through all this hurt and pain?

Voice: Because the world is a challenging place, with various battles going on that you cannot see.

Lady: But you told me you were all powerful when you wooed me! You told me I would be safe in your arms.

Voice: yes I told you that, I meant it and that’s why you are alive today.

Lady: (in an exasperated voice) Is this what been alive means? With all this pain and hurt? I have to watch someone else get what I want so badly and smile in support, when deep down I am hurt that it’s not happening for me.

Voice: I make you see it happening for others so that I can re-awaken the expectation in you, so that I can keep you hope alive.

Lady: You sure have a weird sense of humor, Cus you are achieving just the opposite! I have stopped believing in you. I don’t have any expectations anymore, and guess what? My life is easier that way!

Voice: Please believe again!

Lady: No way! The pain of un-met expectation is too much. Thanks but no thanks!

Voice: I love you

Lady: I don’t think so!

Voice: I want you back! To the place where you first believed. To the time when you loved me, not for what you could get from me, but for who I was to you.

Lady: (sighs) well I used to believe that nothing was impossible, I used to believe that I could achieve anything because you had my back, but I am not sure any more…………..

Voice: I still have great plans for you, I am still going to bless you exceedingly, I am taking you through a process so that my blessing would not make you forget me or what really matters: Our relationship!

Lady: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! But this process is so painful and awfully long if I might add.

Voice: For you it might seem long, but for me I am filled with happiness every time you cross a hurdle, overcome a challenge and achieve victory. You are getting closer and closer to your destination.

Lady: Help me believe again (this time she said it with tears welling up her eyes)

Voice: It’s always been in you, you never lost it. Believe again, dream again, I want you back………………….

I knew that was a message to me, to her and to everyone who had gone through devastating challenges that has made them doubt or stop believing. I hear the voice saying: I want you back!

Believe again!

Tale

A time to Fight!

I have been quiet for a while, I was beginning to enjoy the silence, and it was somewhat comforting. No risks, no big steps……..Just the rhythm and little baby steps. A few years ago, this would have been such a bore for me! I would have tired easily of the slow pace. Impatience would have swallowed up every sense of enjoyment. But this was a different me. Now I enjoy silence, the waiting has become pleasurable and I am not in a hurry any more. Little drops make a mighty ocean….tick tock says the clock; these have become my favorite lines.

As I settle into the routine called life and I get used to eating manna-Just enough, never in excess, but truly satisfying! The drum sticks of expectation are getting louder, I hear sounds like a battle is about to begin, these sounds would have made me jump up in excitement in the past; but not now, I don’t want to fight any more…..I have gotten used to not fighting for myself. I sit back and the greater one fights for me or I stare defeat in the face with a shrug, just maybe it was never my battle to win. But suddenly, the battle is coming to my door step!

I am babbling to myself and maybe to you, but seriously, I have gotten used to sitting back and letting the universe take care of me. I used to be a fighter, life was my battle field! I fought to be heard, I fought to be respected, I fought for causes, I fought for women, I fought myself to stand up again after a broken heart, I fought to ensure that my son always had a meal to eat, I fought to be taken seriously as an entrepreneur, oh I was always ready to fight!

Then I lost it! The will and capacity to fight again. I became a battle weary soldier, and I withdrew to a cage to be nurtured back to health. Only that; the cage has become so comfortable, my basics at my beck and call. I have almost forgotten that I was once a fighter. I feel almost like the children of Israel, circling the same spot year after year, without even realizing it. Now I know why it is called comfort zone. But the battle cries are coming closer, manna is about to cease, My warrior spirit is awakening and I am coming to the realization that maybe it’s time to come out of my sabbatical and fight again.

What am I going to fight for?

1.      I am going to fight for what God has in store for me! My blessing, my opportunities, my business growth, my divinely orchestrated relationships, my bright future.

2.      I am going to fight to awake dead dreams of love, of life, of success, of travel, of beauty.

3.      I am going to fight for what life and the enemy stole from me; my innocence, my pure spirit, my gift of believing the impossible and my Faith that tomorrow would be better than today!

Have you been a sleeping or wounded soldier in hiatus? Maybe it’s time for you to fight. Yes the quiet was fantastic and to be nurtured without any input is amazing, but you cannot enjoy the fullness of what life can bring if you don’t get up and fight!

For me, and maybe for you, it’s a time to fight…………………..

Stay empowered,

Tale

I made a mistake and that's fine!

Its been long over due, I am shocked at my ability to admit this; But yes I did make a mistake! And for the 1st time in a long time, I am able to say it without killing my self. I hear the other voice in my head screaming: don't admit that you are wrong, it would be admitting defeat! Why don't you wiggle out of it like you always do? Justify it with some fancy English word, or blame it on someone else, but never admit you are wrong. It is a sign of weakness! I was happy to finally liberate my self from this ignorant brainwashing.

It all began with years and years of perfectionist brainwashing; be careful, don't go here, don't try that. Or if you try and you are wrong or you fail, then you are told; you shouldn't have done that! or my favorite; you should have known! That's so cool right? Wrong! Especially because no one was born with all the knowledge and wisdom they need to navigate the earth, all of us are on a journey trying to discover the right path and follow it.

However, this brain washing worked. I developed a strong sense of defensiveness, and decided, never to be wrong or to always find a way to wiggle out if I am accused of being wrong. I learnt the perfectionists formula for survival: 

1. Always try to define the outcomes of your decision and have a plan A, B,C and even J for whatever outcome that occurs, so that you can always say: I knew what I was doing!

2. Always involve someone in execution(This is good as long as it is team work, not alibi positioning): If you fail, you have someone to share the blame or take the blame! If you succeed, you share the glory, fair enough!

3. Always take the path of least resistance-Has someone done it before and succeeded? Has it been tested? then you are sure you would never make a mistake! I am laughing out loud!

Believe me, this survival guide almost sounds logical! Well it did to me and it worked just fine, until one day; I followed them to the letter, but got an outcome I never prepared for! It was devastating, Alibi's fell apart, logic did not prevail. I replayed it in my mind over and over again: I took the tested path! I got others involved! What did I leave out??

It was a devastating experience, all my comfort walls were knocked down like the wall of Jericho  I almost sank into a cage of depression, but then one day, I heard a whisper: You made a mistake and that's just fine! I immediately rejected the voice! I do my best not to make mistakes I responded vehemently and wept my self to sleep. Days went by, my heart softened and I began to listen inward again and I realized, lo! I am only human and I too make mistakes.

That day freedom came and I realized like a wise man said; hindsight is 50-50. Yes we can be led by the best guides, but because we don't hear perfectly and we might receive wrongly, sometimes we make mistakes and we should not kill our selves.

I found my liberation and I am finally able to say, I made a mistake and that's fine. I live free and I live happy! 

What about you?

Love 

Tale

The harlot who changed the game!

-And the woman took the two men and hid them....Since I have shewed you kindness, shew kindness to my fathers house-Joshua 2

Yes I used the word Harlot! And I said it loud and clear to the embarrassment of those around me. I was quite amused at the shocked reaction the statement elicited among the nice and innocent young women around me. But I could not help my self! I have been seeking wisdom on how to take my different projects to the next level and I came to the 2nd chapter of Joshua in the bible. I was not really paying attention to a particular character, but she just popped out! I was amazed at her dexterity in forming an alliance and negotiating her freedom. I didn't know when I shouted: This smart harlot!

So that's why the girls were shocked, first of all, the word harlot sounds really 1800's. The common word on the street is hooker or prostitutes in this side of town, but its not about prostitution as it is about the wisdom of her act and the result therein. I don't support prostitution, and if I was the religious zealot I used to be, I would have raised my nose up    to the idea of a woman trading her body in exchange for money. It is not justifiable in any form, although watching Law& order yesterday and seeing how a young girl was forced into the trade gave me a different perspective.

However, as I read, I encountered a remarkable woman named Rahab, why she chose to be a harlot(or maybe she did not even choose it), I don't know. But she had become prosperous in the trade and had even managed to acquire a house by the city gate, which is equivalent to a prime location like Ikoyi or VI. What stood out to me about her was not her acquisitions, but her aspirations! She wanted out! She knew there was more to life than what she had and where she was. She wanted more from life and she was on the look out for it. I believe in the law of attraction, that you can attract into your life what you spend your time focusing on, meditating on and desiring.

When the time for her 'more' came, she was ready and firing on all cylinders. The remarkable thing about her story for me, was the principles I gleaned from it. I have written these principles and have begun to meditate on it to apply in my personal and business life, and I would like to share it with you:

1.She was well positioned: I believe her reason for investing in real estate by the city gate, was to be able to view the men(her prospects) who came into the city and ensure that she selected the choicest ones. I also believe that a deeper reason was that she wanted to be one of the 1st to know when her change came. she was expectant, not only in her words, but in her actions.

2. She Had the kings ear: She must have been on 'top of her game' because the king knew her by name! Now imagine President Jonathan knowing your name and sending his personal body guards to deliver a message to you. She was no ordinary street worker, she must have been skilled in her ability to turn tricks (eye rolling!). It inspired me to decide to continue to do my best in all that I do, so that I can stand before kings.

3. She had the kings trust: The king trusted her so much that he acted on the information she supplied immediately  He did not need to seek advice from the council of elders, he just sent his men to act on the information she supplied. I suspect that she had given him vital information in the past the proved very useful, so she had earned his trust, so much so that he did not question her. This sister had a good reputation and I was challenged by this.

4. She was street savvy and knew the word out there: She told the soldiers Joshua sent; 'My country is afraid of you and your God, I know we are in trouble!' She must have been engaging in more than sexual exchange with the men that visited her. I am guessing she was an intellectual(lol), engaging them in current affairs and politics to ensure she was up to date with the happenings of her city. She knew how to utilize her influential connection for her benefit. I don't think she was a user because she was offering them a service, but she knew how to 'maximize' her return on investment!

5. She was a master negotiator: She didn't beat around the bush with the men Joshua sent. She told them you have to save me and my family and she negotiated the terms of the agreement and extracted a commitment from them. When I was in sales, I was always taught to focus on closing the sale, and this sister was a closer!

6. She was unselfish: As street savvy as she was and as interested in her survival as she was, she was not a selfish woman. She negotiated a deal that covered her self, her parents, her siblings and all her relatives! She must have realized that success is only sweet when you have people to share it with. She also knew that if you gain in all and loose the things that are most precious to you, you become a bigger looser! She was a wise woman!

7. She knew how to keep her end of the deal: The men from Joshua gave her conditions to ensure that they met her request and she made sure she kept it to the letter. She understood the act of following through. She was a woman of integrity! Now you know why I call her the Harlot who changed the game, because she wanted more for her life and was willing to do what it took to get it.

The epilogue of this story is that she and her family were saved. She later married a man from Israel and found her way into the lineage of Jesus Christ. For me she represents the story of 2nd chances, she represents the blue print for turning your life around and she shows that no matter what you situation is right now, with wisdom and direction, you can turn it around.

I dare to hail her and say; many harlots have tried but she excelled them all and changed her life for good. What is you current station in your life or business or career? How would you change the game? 

I would really appreciate your comments in the box below

The Magic of Dreaming again!

Re: Good woman=Bad sex?- I got a couple of feedbacks about this article, especially from men! They complain that the 'good' girls are also the fastest to slack on the action. Some ladies even asked: how am I supposed to be good at 'it' when I don't have much experience? Well, if you want to learn more about money or your career, what do you do? You research, speak to experts, read books and sometime watch some educative material(wink!). So I guess the same tips would apply on your journey to becoming a sexpert or Amazon. God would help us o!

The curtain lifted, the music got louder and louder, Techno music had never sounded so exhilarating  The models danced out, the energy was infectious  I felt like I was in a party and it was holding in such an amazing location with state of the art objects all around me. I was excited, I was dancing and jumping, I felt like a child again! Finally my dream was coming to fruition. Laughter and tears of joy flowed simultaneously,then suddenly the whizzing of the mosquito jolted me back to reality, no I wasn't sleeping, I had just closed my eye's and allowed my self to dream again.... It felt so good, it had been far too long since I indulged my fantasies, I had swallowed the bitter pill called reality and allowed it to lodge in my throat for the longest time! 

So what sort person do you think you are, my therapist asked? Are you a pessimist or an optimist. I smiled slightly remembering the days when I used to believe that cars could drive on water(remember the Bank phb advert?) and that there was nothing I couldn't do if I just tried. Oh well! those were days of ignorance I thought, after several hard knocks, I have finally eaten humble pie.....I am a realist I responded with an assured look on my face and then went ahead to explain how I had learnt to set achievable goals, plan realistically and not be overly ambitious, that way, I would never have to bite more than I can chew.

Oddly enough, I left that day, feeling that something was missing. Despite my eloquent explanation of my 'realistic' approach to life, I still felt like there was something off, I seem to have fallen short in certain ways, but I didn't know how. The next morning I sat pondering about the discussion, what could be wrong? now that my life had finally gotten to a stable tandem, where was the discomfort coming from again?

Then I whispered to my spirit, what could be wrong? Is there any thing I am not doing? And I heard: You have stopped believing, You have stopped dreaming! You don't give me much raw material to work with anymore. All your goals are things you can achieve by your self. You don't dream big anymore! Well it's not that I don't dream big I argued, its just that after making so much effort to make the 'big dreams' happen and failing at it, I have adjusted my expectation. You can't blame me can you I responded accusingly. Then the conversation continued; who told you I wanted you to make it happen for your self? When you dream the desires I put in your heart, I would make it happen for you!

Your dreams are a deposit into the bank of your future, they are a proof that you have a great future ahead. They are also raw material for the universe to work with to create the future you desire. When you dream, it does not mean you loose sight of today's reality, it just means that you create a great outcome for your future. Why did I stop dreaming:

1. Fear that my dreams won't come true: I have tried to make several aspirations and goals happen in the past and have achieved mediocre success in some cases. This made me believe that my goals and dreams have been unrealistic. Maybe they were, but when the dreams are bigger, you need a bigger 'hand' to execute it. When I used my own hand to execute it and failed, I got discouraged.

2. Fear of rejection: When you have attempted several projects/dream/goals and not achieved much success, you can develop a fear of rejection. You subconsciously begin to plan for rejection and failure, which affects your ability to take steps in future.

3. Fear of loss of Control: Most of us have a need to control our situation and ensure that we can determine the outcome. A constant need to determine the outcomes would reduce our ability to step out of our comfort zone and take risks. However when we realize that we were never in control anyway, we are able to relax and trust that the Almighty would bring his ordained outcomes to us.

So I decided to start dreaming again, but this time, I would do it differently, I would let the source of the dreams and desires make it happen for me. Now I close my eye's and let go of the fear and dream freely. It 's like magic......................

Be empowered,

Tale.

Are you a dreamer or have you given up on your dreams,are you willing to dream again? please share.