WHEN THE GOING GET’S TOUGH……………….

I haven’t written for over a week, I have had to deal with various distractions and it has been an ‘amazing’ month! Sincerely, it has been quite tough. With all that has happened I am in awe of myself that I am still able to give thanks to God. I give thanks, not because I feel happy about various disappointments and manifestation of human flaws I have had to contend with, but because it’s what God commands.

Thinking about it further, I am actually grateful that I am maturing as a human being. If I had gone though a similar experience over a year ago, I would have sunk into a pity party and withdrawn into a shell of despair, but I am actually more stable at this point. As I ponder at the happenings of the month, I stumble upon an ‘O’ magazine from 2007 with the sub-title ‘what to do when the going gets tough’ I smiled at how timely the article came to my notice and I am amazed at how God seems to bring the message you need per time.

So in summary, what do you do when the going gets tough?

1.      You acknowledge the reality of your situation- As human’s, we are prone to extremism's  we can either pretend all is well and wear our mask and carry along like nothing is wrong, or we can sink into the depths of despair like the world is against us. But a better approach is to acknowledge that what happened actually sucks! You can even share with people who can offer genuine comfort and encouragement, because we all need a shoulder to lean on. Also I have realized that when you acknowledge a problem, it gives room to identify the situation.

2.      Look for the positive in the situation- Yes, what happened was bad and people have been unfair, but the reality is there must be some good in what happened. Open your eyes and heart to find it. For me, my ‘good’ like I pointed out was that I am becoming more mature in handling tough times. The second thing is that despite all the trouble around, the peace within is never lost. I always know I am not alone. What is the positive aspect of your situation, can you identify it? Finding the positive keeps hope alive.

3.      Find a new dream or a new motivation-Someone said a setback is a set up for a comeback. After you have mourned or sulked a little about the situation and you have found some positive light in the dark place, find a new sense of motivation. Motivation or dreams that can motivate you are the things that Oil the wheels of life. Having a compelling dream would get you out of bed in the morning, it would make you stay up late at night and it would put a spring in your step and confidence in your heart.

So when the going gets tough, like they say; the tough get going. I am going to keep moving; I won’t stop or drop off the bus until I get to my destination. And I won’t stop writing as long as I can, so keep reading and look forward to Anastasia’s story soon…………

Stay empowered,

Tale.

FREE YOUR SELF TO LOVE

Adanna, if you don’t do your tasks and learn how to be a good home maker, you would never find a man to marry you! Well mum, newsflash: I am not planning to get married! She didn't really mean that and almost felt bad about how shocked her mum looked at her pronouncement, but she was getting tired of the constant badgering….Adanna comport yourself, Adanna a lady does not speak like that, or Adanna men want women who can be all rounder’s!

Remembering her recent crush on Joseph that made her stomach flutter, yes she sighed, she wouldn't have minded spending the rest of her life starring into those eyes, but why does love have to come with all those rules and laws her mum was imposing on her?

Fast forward many years later, the fairy tale has ended! The so called man she ended up with turned out to be an irresponsible jerk! Or an egotistic person! Or maybe she didn't even find any man who had the guts to propose marriage to her, more like a self fulfilling prophesy. They didn't have the guts to appreciate my glory she would think with a condescending look at all the men she knew who were potential candidates that never stepped up.

However deep down in the heart of many Adanna’s laid the inner pain, the inner insecurity; maybe I am just not good enough like my mother said. Maybe that’s why I attracted a man who treated me so badly, or maybe that’s why I am not able to find a man to love me and marry me…. That’s a place she doesn't like to go, because it was a troubling place that brought tears to her eyes. She would quickly wipe the tears, throw her chin up and go on being the sophisticated and successful woman she was perceived to be. Even her cynical attitude towards relationships seemed to add more spice to her swag!

I have sat where many Adanna’s sit. Making myself a victim and allowing the negative voices in my head to navigate my future outcomes. But my heavenly father and 1^st love has brought me to a place of deeper realization that I had gotten it all wrong. He has opened my eyes to see that I am:

1.     I am loveable: he loved me so much that he gave his most precious and only son to die so that I may live abundantly. Who does that for someone if that person does not have great value?

2.     I am created in the image of a superior being: we always tease my brother Segun, that he is a splitting image of my dad. This has helped me understand what it means to be made in someone’s image: You are just like them! If you are like God, you can’t be a lesser being or an inferior person. You don’t need to have inferiority or superiority complex. How about God complex? In his image and likeness!

3.     I am fearfully and wonderfully made: When God made us, he took his time and created a person with the right proportions, with the right materials and with the right dimensions. Soft enough to cry, yet strong enough to carry the weight of life. Just perfect!

4.     My identity is derived from God: a lot of us have sought to define ourselves by what those closest to us think, or what the society expects. But all those things are at best average definitions of who we really are. Our real identity should be derived from above. He is the one that should determine what we can or cannot do.

5.     I have the right gifts and skill sets to excel: Everything we need to excel on this earth, God has put the potential on the inside of us. All we have to do is identify it, accept it, sharpen it and unleash it. I might not be as good as you in some areas, but I am good in others, and I would celebrate myself in those areas and free myself to become all I can be. Just perfect!

So ‘Adanna’, if you are reading this, you are good enough! Free yourself to love and be loved and to enjoy all the universe has in store for you. You might be 20 or 55, it’s never too late to free yourself of limitations of the past to become all you need to be!

Stay empowered,

Tale.

N.B: Adanna is a fictitious character I made up, but the context is real. I would be starting a series based on the lives of 5 fictitious women: Anastasia, Sophia, Maria, Hannah& Gabriel. I hope to be able to portray their stories from trials to triumphs, which would hopefully inspire us to become 5 star. Look forward to it……

THE DIALOGUE: I WANT YOU BACK!

I spent some time speaking to her; on the outside, she was the perfect package of a quintessential good looking and sophisticated woman. She seemed to have it going on; a good job, a well placed husband and the ability to afford some of the fine things in life.

It started as the usual girl talk and then it went deeper; I knew she had been trying for kids for some years and casually asked how that was going. I did not know I was about to open a deep wound that had been concealed by layers of makeup and other finesse.

She told me casually: I have stopped trying! I was shocked. Why I asked? Because I am probably not cut out to have a child. Any way I don’t care anymore she said, trying to sound casual, but my senses were alerted, there must be something more….. Then I pointed her to the bible says ‘none shall be barren’, what is God saying to you I asked?

I have stopped praying she said matter of fact! That instant I felt her pain, I had been there before, in the path of pain, those years when I went through heart break and decided I was done with God! Please speak to God about it I pleaded; he loves you too much and feels your pain. Not now, It hurts too much she responded and at that moment I could feel the tears pouring down her face through the eyes of my mind.

I wanted to touch her and hug her, but alas blackberry hug emoticons was the best I could share for we were connected by the messenger we had been chatting through.

At loss for words of my own, I heard a voice: 'I want you back!' And that’s how the dialogue began:

Voice: I want you back

Lady: why?

Voice: Because I love you

Lady: snorts, yeah right!

Voice: I really love you very much

Lady: ( with sarcasm in her voice) if you love me so much, why am I going through all this hurt and pain?

Voice: Because the world is a challenging place, with various battles going on that you cannot see.

Lady: But you told me you were all powerful when you wooed me! You told me I would be safe in your arms.

Voice: yes I told you that, I meant it and that’s why you are alive today.

Lady: (in an exasperated voice) Is this what been alive means? With all this pain and hurt? I have to watch someone else get what I want so badly and smile in support, when deep down I am hurt that it’s not happening for me.

Voice: I make you see it happening for others so that I can re-awaken the expectation in you, so that I can keep you hope alive.

Lady: You sure have a weird sense of humor, Cus you are achieving just the opposite! I have stopped believing in you. I don’t have any expectations anymore, and guess what? My life is easier that way!

Voice: Please believe again!

Lady: No way! The pain of un-met expectation is too much. Thanks but no thanks!

Voice: I love you

Lady: I don’t think so!

Voice: I want you back! To the place where you first believed. To the time when you loved me, not for what you could get from me, but for who I was to you.

Lady: (sighs) well I used to believe that nothing was impossible, I used to believe that I could achieve anything because you had my back, but I am not sure any more…………..

Voice: I still have great plans for you, I am still going to bless you exceedingly, I am taking you through a process so that my blessing would not make you forget me or what really matters: Our relationship!

Lady: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! But this process is so painful and awfully long if I might add.

Voice: For you it might seem long, but for me I am filled with happiness every time you cross a hurdle, overcome a challenge and achieve victory. You are getting closer and closer to your destination.

Lady: Help me believe again (this time she said it with tears welling up her eyes)

Voice: It’s always been in you, you never lost it. Believe again, dream again, I want you back………………….

I knew that was a message to me, to her and to everyone who had gone through devastating challenges that has made them doubt or stop believing. I hear the voice saying: I want you back!

Believe again!

Tale

A time to Fight!

I have been quiet for a while, I was beginning to enjoy the silence, and it was somewhat comforting. No risks, no big steps……..Just the rhythm and little baby steps. A few years ago, this would have been such a bore for me! I would have tired easily of the slow pace. Impatience would have swallowed up every sense of enjoyment. But this was a different me. Now I enjoy silence, the waiting has become pleasurable and I am not in a hurry any more. Little drops make a mighty ocean….tick tock says the clock; these have become my favorite lines.

As I settle into the routine called life and I get used to eating manna-Just enough, never in excess, but truly satisfying! The drum sticks of expectation are getting louder, I hear sounds like a battle is about to begin, these sounds would have made me jump up in excitement in the past; but not now, I don’t want to fight any more…..I have gotten used to not fighting for myself. I sit back and the greater one fights for me or I stare defeat in the face with a shrug, just maybe it was never my battle to win. But suddenly, the battle is coming to my door step!

I am babbling to myself and maybe to you, but seriously, I have gotten used to sitting back and letting the universe take care of me. I used to be a fighter, life was my battle field! I fought to be heard, I fought to be respected, I fought for causes, I fought for women, I fought myself to stand up again after a broken heart, I fought to ensure that my son always had a meal to eat, I fought to be taken seriously as an entrepreneur, oh I was always ready to fight!

Then I lost it! The will and capacity to fight again. I became a battle weary soldier, and I withdrew to a cage to be nurtured back to health. Only that; the cage has become so comfortable, my basics at my beck and call. I have almost forgotten that I was once a fighter. I feel almost like the children of Israel, circling the same spot year after year, without even realizing it. Now I know why it is called comfort zone. But the battle cries are coming closer, manna is about to cease, My warrior spirit is awakening and I am coming to the realization that maybe it’s time to come out of my sabbatical and fight again.

What am I going to fight for?

1.      I am going to fight for what God has in store for me! My blessing, my opportunities, my business growth, my divinely orchestrated relationships, my bright future.

2.      I am going to fight to awake dead dreams of love, of life, of success, of travel, of beauty.

3.      I am going to fight for what life and the enemy stole from me; my innocence, my pure spirit, my gift of believing the impossible and my Faith that tomorrow would be better than today!

Have you been a sleeping or wounded soldier in hiatus? Maybe it’s time for you to fight. Yes the quiet was fantastic and to be nurtured without any input is amazing, but you cannot enjoy the fullness of what life can bring if you don’t get up and fight!

For me, and maybe for you, it’s a time to fight…………………..

Stay empowered,

Tale