Lessons I learnt from Failure

My childhood was a really exciting time for me, especially the adventure of running around in the compound, playing maliyo games with my friends and picking up lost coins from the sand which we promptly handed to the puff puff seller for the most sumptuous puff puff balls. I remember those days now when I see the excitement in my son’s eyes when he discovers a new cartoon with new superheroes for him to imitate. Things were so easy then and nothing seemed impossible….

Fast-forward to today; I have been busy trying to wrap up a very challenging project. When I first got the project, I was really excited, like a child who has been handed a gift box with all sorts of treasures’ and possibilities in it. I jumped on it and quickly began to unwrap it only to realize that not all the candies tasted nicely, some were sour and others were plain bitter! I have been on that journey for eight weeks and I have made some mistakes and now I have a book full of ‘what not to do’s’ when I have this sort of projects in future. The amazing thing that has happened to me through the struggles of raising financing, dealing with exchange rate fluctuations, manufacturers disappointments and all sorts of things is that I have come out stronger, wiser and more knowledgeable about how to do it better!

For the first time in a long time I have embraced failure and made it my teacher. I made up my mind not to shy away from the harshness and pain, but to fight through it so that I can extract the juice from it and turn my mistakes into the platform for greater future success. As I approach the final stages of this particular project and prepare to start another one, I want to share some lessons I have learnt from failure:

1.      Failure is not fatal or final: When you fail at something, you might think that your life is over! I remember the first time I failed the 2^nd stage in my ICAN exams in 2005; I cried so much that I almost crossed a traffic light that had turned red. When the Police man stopped me, I broke down and cried so hard that he even began to plead with me to take it easy! I mourned for some days, picked myself up wrote it again and failed again! At this time, failure had become hilarious. I just laughed and it did not hurt as much as it did the first time. But this time around, I sat down and examined why I was failing, I realized that I was trying to study for 4 papers in one sitting and decided to come up with a new approach to taking the exams, which leads to my second lesson:

2.      You need to be flexible: planners like I need to have our route planned out to the tenth, and it can be quite disconcerting when things don’t go according to the plan. However, I have learnt that life would throw your curve balls that can get you off your set path and you need to be flexible enough to take a new turn without changing your end point. After I realized I had failed my exams twice because I was taking on too much at once, I decided to focus on two courses and give them my energy and time and because I changed my strategy, I passed those two papers I focused on. Of course after that I decided I didn’t want to practice as an Accountant, but the lesson was learnt!

3.      Do your best but don’t kill yourself: I remember the nursery rhyme that goes thus; do your best and leave the rest! If you are a perfectionist, that sounds foreign to you. You probably obsess over and over again when things don’t go perfectly. But I have finally learnt to do my best in whatever project or assignment that is before me and not beat myself too much when things don’t go exactly the way I planned it. Excellence is a virtue everyone must imbibe, but sometimes in pursuit of excellence, things can go wrong and we might not be able to control the circumstances. At those times, we should try and communicate to the parties involved and take a solution oriented approach. But don’t kill yourself, do your best and leave the rest to the Almighty!

4.      Develop a thick skin: I have disliked critics for as long as I could remember. And it’s not just the criticism I don’t like, it is criticism that just aims to put you down instead of been solution oriented. I have grown a lot by receiving constructive criticism that have corrected me and pointed me in the right direction, but those negative critics can be such downers. I have since learnt that if you are doing anything of worth and value, people are going to try to talk you or pull you down! My advice is to develop a thick skin and stay centered. Let your validation come from your inner conviction and the support of trusted people and not from the opinions of Naysayers who don’t know the full story or the true picture. You can also be you chief critic, but go easy on yourself sometimes and forgive yourself (read my last article on place more value on yourself!) then get back up again and get right back to it!

5.      Don’t compromise your values in pursuit of success: I have learnt that sometime failure is saying NO to circumstances that would otherwise have led you to compromise. Success can be such a blinding obsession that the hurdles you are faced with to cross into the realm of success might be marked with things that would go against you belief and you might be too blind to see it. My advice is always follow the path of wisdom, there is always a way out that doesn’t require you to compromise, do your best to find that way and negotiate your success. But when you have done your best and there seems to be no other way but the way of compromise, then it’s time to let go. For what you walk away from today to preserve your values, might come to you tomorrow on a platter of gold without the dirt…………

This is my message to me this morning and I am going to apply it, I hope you do the same………….

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

P.S Please follow me on twitter @taleofrecreatio I do my best to share inspirational thoughts

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. Also share this article with others so that the blessing would flow….

Value your self!

Life takes you through various tangents, from valleys to mountains and back to valleys, the cycle of life can take toll on the traveler that you sometimes forget why you are on this journey and begin to adapt to the experiences life brings your way and sometimes you forget who you really are and why you are on this journey………..

I once read a research that said that what makes Human beings the most superior specie on the earth is our ability to adapt. We have transitioned from the Garden of Eden, to living as cave men, from that period to using the earth’s raw materials to create food, clothing and shelter. We have moved beyond that stage to inventions and innovations that have created the earth we live in today. Adaptability or adaptation is a positive development, and so it can also be a negative development; especially when the processes of pain and disappointments have led us to adapt to adapt to a life that is less than ideal. Life’s challenges might have made us stronger, but in some cases it has killed our spirit and made us forget who we really are.

I got off the phone yesterday with a friend who challenged the giant in me, she provoked me to take a more critical look at my life and in doing so; I was reminded of the essence of how I began this race: It started with me asking the question; who am I? Why am I here? and what is my value to the earth? I reminisced about what I learnt all those years ago that life almost stole from me; I reminded myself that I am made in the image and likeness of an amazing and power God. And the more I meditated on this thought, the more I learnt why I must place more value on myself. When you look in the mirror, what you see is an image of yourself. So if I am made in the image of a superior being, that means I am just like him! And that’s the same for you too and that’s why you have to place more value on our self.

How do you place more value on yourself?

1.      Love yourself: Self love is a tricky concept depending on what side of upbringing you are coming from. To some people, self love means self indulgence and to some others self love is a foreign concept as they have been thought not to thinking to highly of themselves. Love yourself means appreciate YOU. Thank the almighty for making you in his image. Celebrate all the wonderful gifts and talents that you have been bestowed with. Appreciate every intricate detail of your ‘Earth suit’ and let your heart be filled with joy and gladness that you are fearfully and wonderfully made! Love yourself.

2.      Forgive yourself: We have all failed one way or the other! Yes that’s the truth. Don’t beat yourself up too much for your past failures no matter what they were. Failure is not final, the important thing is that we learn from our past mistakes, pick ourselves up again and keep moving. Have you goofed in the past? Or done something you are not proud of? Forgive yourself! Give yourself another chance and don’t give up on you, because you still have many chances in life to succeed again. You are work in progress, forgive yourself and keep living!

3.      Accept yourself: So you look at the mirror and you see an image that has it flaws right? Well welcome to the real world where no one is perfect!( read my post titled let go of the shame and live). Accept how you are made and know that the traits you inherited genetically were not by accident. God who decided to make you as noisy or as quiet as you are or as big boned or slim framed as you are did not make a mistake. He gave you the perfect earth suit he thought you needed to fulfill your purpose. What if your earth suit (body) has gone through voluntary or involuntary damages like child birth, accidents or illnesses? The he want to use just the way you are flaws and all! I watched and read the inspirational story of Nick Vujicic, A man born without arms and legs (you can Google him). He is living a great life despite all his challenges; he travels the world to motivate people and he is married with a son. Accept yourself! And continue to be the best version of yourself you can be! You are just fine.

4.      Discover yourself: When we travel, we try to learn as much about the place we go to, especially if it’s a new place. Treat yourself like a treasure box and discover who you are. Let every discovery be a revelation that helps you to know yourself some more. What do you like? What do you love? What do you dislike? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What are your dreams? What are your aspirations? What sort of life would you like to live if you had no limits? What are you on earth for? The more you discover yourself, the more special you feel, and the more value you place on YOU!

My purpose prayer to help me discover myself more goes thus: God of glory, make me intelligent and discerning in knowing you personally, my eyes focused and clear, so that I can see exactly what it is you are calling me to do. Adapted from Ephesians 1: 17-18 message translation.

5.    Live your life to the fullest: Yes! now you are learning to love you, to forgive you, to accept you and you are discovering you! Live life to its fullest and live each day creating the life of your dreams. There would still be tough times, but don’t let them change you, don’t let them define you, keep moving forward and keep your value up. And you would live the best life from today forever!

This is my message to me today and I am going to apply it, I hope you do the same………….

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

P.S Please follow me on twitter @taleofrecreatio I do my best to share inspirational thoughts

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. Also share this article with others so that the blessing would flow….

STEPS TO LIVE A BETTER QUALITY LIFE!

I did a wardrobe audit this morning, and I brought out clothes that I had not worn in a long time and decided to sort them out into two piles; the first pile contained clothes that I still loved but were a bit too tight, but I insist on keeping them because I believe one day soon (weight loss journey…) I would be able to fit into them again. The second pile contained clothes that I have either over worn because I loved them too much, so they had lost some color or clothes that I never really wore because they really never fit me.  I gave them to my nanny because she always insists that she has many friends and relatives who would appreciate them.

She teased me about the clothes I had over-worn and said when I loved something a lot, I used up all the value in it very quickly by wearing it over and over again. I thought about it for some time and realized that though she had a point; it was not a balanced perspective. The quality or durability of something is not always in direct relation to the usage of that thing. So for example; I can buy 100naira bathroom slippers the same day I buy a 50,000 naira bag, because I used both items constantly during a particular duration, does not mean they would both get spoiled at the same time, the quality of each product would determine how long it would last.

This has made me realize that good quality is really a long term investment. So what are the steps to help us live a better quality life?

1.      Take audit of your current life circumstances: The word ‘better’ suggests that there is something more to aspire towards. You would not be able to determine how far you still need to go, if you are not sure of how far you have come. What areas of your life do you still aspire to be more, do more or have more? Be sincere with yourself and take stock, so that you can decide what needs to be done. I just did a self audit about my weight; I always used to complain that I exercised a lot and was not losing weight, but I took stock of my eating habit and realized that I also had to eat right to see results. So now I have no more excuses, I have to fix my eating habit. Take audit of your life and be truthful to yourself.

                                                                                     

2.      Make a life changing decision: Every day, we make decisions about various things, as an adult, decision making is a familiar process. However, we need to make life changing to see life changing impact. Some life changing decisions that can shake your life could include:

a.       Deciding not to eat a certain food(s) again eg soda, diary some people even go to the extent of deciding not to eat poultry again and embrace a vegetarian lifestyle, these kinds of decisions can change the quality of your health and weight for good.

b.      Deciding to follow/pursue your dreams no matter the cost- I made this decision about 5 years ago and sincerely it has been a rocky and interesting road! Its not easy to leave a stable and well paying job to do something else because you had an epiphany and decided this is what you were born to do. But it is a life changing decision, which could affect your earning power positively or negatively and affect you fulfillment too. My own fulfillment bank is brimming full; I am waiting for the money bank to catch up!

c.       Deciding to make God the center of your life-This is indeed a life changing decision because it would adversely affect the course of your life. It would determine how you live, what your values are, what you stand for and what your life purpose is. This decision would test your moral standing especially in this tough world that we live in. However it is a key step to live a quality life.

d.      Deciding to break off some relationships or build some others- The quality of our lives is really affected by the people we closely relate with. We might need to make a drastic decision to cut off some people from our lives to enable us move forward and live a better quality life. Cut of people who are sowing negative seeds into your eye or ear gates, cut of people who are dream killers or suppressors. Some of these people may be close family relations who you don’t want to stop talking too completely, but you can decide to reduce their influence in your life. Then build relationships with people who would challenge you to be better and greater. Invest in relationships with successful people who you aspire to be like and who are willing to share their knowledge with you.

3.      Follow through on your decision(s): Now you have audited your life and decided to make life changing decisions in some areas; you have to commit to the decisions you have made. Sometimes the process of following through would take you out of your comfort zone and sometimes you would falter, but pick yourself back up and get back on track and these changes would lead to a more fulfilling and quality life.

I am on a journey to creating a better quality life for myself and my loved ones and it’s an interesting learning journey. Hope you make the same decision and take the steps too…

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

P.S Please follow me on twitter @taleofrecreatio I do my best to share inspirational thoughts

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. Also share this article with others so that the blessing would flow….

Choose a Quality Life!

It is getting harder for me to write! Because every time I write, I challenge myself to practice what I preach. So I am living in motion these days; I am going after my dreams, reaching out for more and walking/working to become the best me by God’s grace. I hope that as you read each article, you are being inspired to do the same.

I grew up craving for better quality. Better quality clothes, better quality food, better quality friends and even better quality men! It was always a case of cut your coat according to your cloth, and sometimes the clothes never seemed to be enough to me or never seemed to be in the fabric I wanted. It was a constant struggle for me until I resigned to being content with what I had till I could get what I wanted.

Life and seasons have changed and now I can afford to get a few of the things I really want, but it has also made me question what really is ‘Quality’? Is quality the most expensive of the thing you want? Or is it the rarer or limited edition of the things we want? Is quality really determined by price or by taste, these are the thoughts I joggle in my mind.

I was with my manufacturer in Istanbul last week and we were considering fabrics for the new collection we are currently working on, I was suggesting that we should look for a lower quality fabric to enable us maintain our current sales price, instead of the obvious option of increasing prices, but my meticulous manufacturer vehemently opposed this idea, She insisted that they prided themselves in working with 100% quality fabrics and I finally succumbed to her persuasion, but it got me thinking of life in general and the compromises we constantly make for or against quality.

How many times have you been under pressure on your job to make a choice between letting things slip or putting in the extra time? Or between settling for a partner who if all things were equal you would not choose, but you would rather wait it out hoping that the future would bring better options? All these are decisions that are driven by our perspective of quality.

I have come to realize that quality is driven not by the cost of a thing, but by the value you can derive from it. So you need a shoe, a good quality shoe to some one can only be one that carries a designer label, why to another, a good quality shoe is determined by durability and not by brand name, although sometimes a good brand connotes good quality.

Quality for me has even transcended the choices I make for material things, to the choices I am constantly making for immaterial things like the quality of my thoughts, the quality of my relationships, the quality of life I live. Quality for me is now determined by how much I respect and value myself as a person.

I told a friend the other day that she should quit smoking( No judgement on people’s habits o!) my greatest point of note to her is that no matter the stress relieve she derived from smoking, it did not compare to how much she was devaluing her body or choosing a lower quality lifestyle. I challenged her to find other ways to deal with stress that would increase the quality of her life. And that’s my challenge to you!

How do you live a better quality life? I would share that next time, I have to run……….

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

P.S Please follow me on twitter @taleofrecreatio I do my best to share inspirational thoughts

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. I am also willing to answer your questions, so please keep sharing and share this article with others….

HOW TO CREATE THE FUTURE YOU DESIRE

I woke up this morning with a new lease of life. I have finally closed the chapter of a not so pleasant aspect of my life. I learnt many invaluable lessons, the greatest of which is; don’t ever try to make major life decisions without God’s direction and grace. It sounds simple, but it is instructive for an action oriented person like me to learn to patiently listen for his direction before I move.

I once saw a quotation; the past is in the tomb, the future is in the womb. As women, we have a clear picture that the womb is a place where new life is nurtured and developed. It is a place where possibilities translate to reality. However in the womb, some seeds have been disrupted from growing. Either by personal choice (abortion) or by circumstances (mis-carriage). Sometimes we can decide the outcome of what happens to our seed, other times we can’t.

I have found out however, that we can create or decide on the kind of future we desire by playing an active part in en-visioning your future and working/walking in God’s direction to achieve it. When we were younger, we spent our days dreaming that we were one character or the other. From being a princess, to being a superstar, we believed so much in our dreams that we acted it out to the best of our ability. Some of us turned our combs or sticks into microphones or made paper tiara’s to act the part of princesses. The truth is, even as we are much older, it has not changed. We can still dream! Of course with more maturity and wisdom and work towards creating the future we desire.

So how do we go about this?

1.      Define your desired future outcome: Think deeply about your desired future outcome. How would you like your life to be in the next 1 year, 3 years or 5 years? Forget about your present setbacks and limitations and look with eagles eye’s into the future you desire.

2.      Visualize your future: There are various ways of visualizing your future. You can write it down in place where you can read it every day, or you can create a visual of your future using a vision board. I discovered vision boards earlier in the year, and promptly created mine. It is a board with pictures of all you want for your future. So put a picture of your dream car, or a baby if you want one, or a spouse, or your dream job, or a dream pay cheque etc. Don’t limit yourself and look at your present circumstances and say it is impossible. First visualize it and put it out to the universe.

3.      Meditate on your desired outcome: Once you have written it down, don’t just leave it there and go about your ‘normal’ life, keep meditating on the possibility of achieving it. If you meditate on it long enough, faith would grow in your heart and you would begin to believe that achieving it is a possibility. Sometimes when I am discouraged or unsure of my future outcome, I lay on my bed and stare at my vision board, as I look at all the things that I want for my future; I know that with God, nothing is impossible, and I am strengthened to keep going.

4.      Create a course of action: The more you meditate on your desires, the clearer the pathway would become. As you get inspiration and ideas of what to do, take those ideas and create a course of action. For example, you keep visualizing your dream job and realize that you might need to put yourself out there more, so you create a linked in account and write the best profile ever that showcases you and makes you attractive to prospective recruiters.

5.      Keep moving towards your future: The good book says; the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter. Once you have determined your desired future outcome, let this new sense of purpose change your life and begin to draw you progressively forward. Let yourself be stretched, because this change is necessary to create your desired outcome. Even when you are tempted to rush back to your comfort zone, resist it and keep moving towards your future.

Ultimately, it takes God’s grace to arrive at your desire future. Embrace it and keep dreaming, visualizing and acting till you arrive at your destination!

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. I am also willing to answer your questions, so please keep sharing and share this article with others….

Let Go of the Shame and Live!

I sat in the hotel room and decided I was going to take a day off and rest on my trip to Istanbul for business last week. I am a restless person and resting sometimes makes me anxious; I sometimes feel like if I rest something might be left undone! I am sure I would have been diagnosed with some sort of disorder if I went to one of those fancy hospitals. But thank God for grace and life experiences that make your learn patience and process. As I lounged in bed that day and watched inspirational programs while restlessly flipping from Bloomberg to JCTV, from CNBC to Daystar (unfortunately they didn't have “E” entertainment which was good I guess, lol) I drifted into examining my life and how far I have come and I was filled with gratitude when I remembered how it all started;

It was quite awkward for me growing up, and I had to deal with various self esteem issues like a lot of teenage girls. It varied from being too thin to suddenly having weight issues, from being a geek/efiko to trying to fit in with the ‘cool’ people. To not having the nicest clothes to wear, to breaking out with acne so much I wanted to peel out my face. The physical issues was one thing, but the comparisons to other people by well meaning people was the most difficult to deal with. I struggled through some of the issues, overcame and triumphed over the others, but a few of them still pop up now and then so many years later…

I recap this not to solicit pity, but to show that we have all had a past and various issues in our lives that are not so pretty and some of them have put us in the bondage of shame! I am a keen people watcher and I delight in it when I am stuck in a place for several hours. I indulged in it again recently at the Airport waiting to catch my flight back and I observed people from different countries, with different skin colors and who speak different languages and I made startling realization; we are all the same one way or the other! How you might ask?

1.      Nobody is perfect!: Yes I mean it! The guy with the perfect height has a bad breath; the lady with the deliciously long hair has freckles over her face. How about the lady with the amazing back side that was definitely hotter than a Brazilian but (buttocks) augmentation, she turned and I saw her weird looking eyes and I smiled a big smile, not in condemnation but in realization, that no “human body” is perfect! So if you struggle with your self esteem because of your physical imperfections, relax you are in the company of 99.9% of the worlds citizen. I am not saying you shouldn't do your best with your physical appearance, but don’t let it define you, live your life!

2.      Our attitude to life is our choice: I met a very pleasant porter in my hotel, the guy could not speak a word in English, but his enthusiasm and positivism was contagious. You would have thought he was the hotel owner, not just a porter by how excited he was to receive me and help me every step of the way. And he was not pretending, because he was like that for the whole week I stayed in that hotel. Yes life has not been fair to you or you are in the middle of a battle or you just lost a dear friend like I just did, you shouldn't let it color your life, your attitude is a choice! Don’t let your circumstance define you, live your life.

3.      Everyone has an edge: I just said nobody is perfect, but the truth is; everyone has an edge. An edge is something that gives you an advantage in life, something that makes you special, something that gives you a chance to succeed in life just as much as the next guy or lady! The problem is that we spend a lot of time focusing on what we don’t have or what is not working and very little time focused on developing our edge that we end up feeling less successful or less fortunate. Let go of focusing on what you don’t have going for you and decide to live your life focusing on what you have and can become. Live your life!

I just lost my dear friend Adenike Ogunbe of Ewar makeovers and I feel really sad about it, but I see death as a wake-up call and instruction for us to wake up, let go of what limits us and live a life worth remembering when we pass.

Dear friend, let go of the shame and live your best life!

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. I am also willing to answer your questions, so please keep sharing and share this article with others….

WHEN THE BATTLE BEGINS Part 2

I read the document over and over; I couldn't believe this had happened. I had been positive, I had prepared adequately and I had done my best to tell the truth, so I was shocked to be receiving this kind of information and rejection! This was a major setback; it was going to change my plans…..

I panicked for a while, seeking a solution or an alternative to the problem, but I didn't see an immediate solution. I calmed myself, made some calls and just when things seemed to be looking up; I hit another brick wall! That was when I knew that I was in a battle and I had to fight to win. Sometimes the battle comes directly to your face and we need new strategies to overcome. I would like to share some things I learnt in winning the battle that confronts you:

1.      Stay calm: Making decisions when all hell seems to have broken loose is the worst thing you can do. Never make long term decisions based on short term circumstances. Even when the panic rises, try to stay calm. Prayer helps me stay calm or talking to a sensible person that can calm you down might help you let go of the panic. Even when the confrontation is starring you in the face, buy yourself some time and stay calm.

2.      Examine alternatives: After you have calmed yourself, examine if there are alternative cause of actions. There is always another way, another option. It starts with a mindset of possibilities. You need to believe that rejection is not a stop sign, its only redirection to another cause of action. For example if the source of finance you were depending on does not come through, calmly examine if there are other alternatives. There is always a way, if you apply yourself and put your mind to it.

3.      Take action: When you have examined the alternative and weighed the cost of the various options, take a step of faith and take action. I always measure decisions from a quantitative-numbers driven and qualitative-Value driven perspective. Some decisions may make more sense numbers wise, but might be detrimental value wise. The final decision would be based on what is more important to you. And when you have taken a cause of action, try not to look back in regret, keep moving forward.

4.      Keep the faith: One of the greatest battles you have to fight is to hold on to your believe/faith in the process of taking action in expectation that the action would lead to your desired expectation. This goes back to all we discussed in part one(http://thefivestarwoman.blogspot.com/2013/06/when-battle-beginspart-1.html )

5.      See your victory: I have heard this famous saying: It’s not over until you win! Hold on to till you reach your desired outcome. You might have to take another route or another form of transportation, but don’t change your course until you win this battle!

            

Stay Empowered,

Tale.

I really appreciate your comments. They let me know if you are being blessed, inspired or empowered. I am also willing to answer your questions, so please keep sharing and share this article with others….