Good woman=Bad sex?

I wrote this article I am about to share for a newspaper I am supposed to be contributing to, though it has been delayed, I thought to share it with you because I had a conversation with a Man yesterday and he raised the issue. Read to the end before you crucify me o,(remember its a blog about empowering you to become a 5 Star woman).....Wink!

The Topic sounds weird right? But don’t raise your eyebrow at me yet till you hear my stories…. Some time ago I sat on a table across some guys in a restaurant and could not help but eaves drop on their conversation. One of them Mr. X admitted to be seriously looking for a wife, as he believed it was time to settle down and start a family. But how far with Lucy your babe, his friend Mr. Y asked. He frowned, Lucy ke? “Lucy no be wife material now! But the babe can get down ehn” he said with a wide grin on his face. Then hurried to add that once he found a good woman who could take care of the home and his kids, he would not let Lucy out of the picture because of her amazing sexual skills…..

On another occasion, I travelled out of the country on a business trip and like most prudent business women; I shared a room with a few other ladies I got acquainted with. In the course of a nice girl conversation, one of them proudly told us that her husband had said he would not demean her by having oral sex with her, as that was reserved for only prostitutes! Hmm! The other day, she expressed fears that her husband seems to be cheating and do you wonder like me, whether he was paying a visit to the prostitutes?

So what is this age old assumption by some men that good wife materials cannot also have sexual prowess? Or are they really telling the truth? How about the opposite, that when a woman is sexually attractive the assumption is made that she cannot make a good wife? 

Where did all these come from? I suspect the origin is our traditional upbringing where girls from decent homes were taught how to cook, clean and take care of the home, while sex was downplayed or never even spoken about and these “good girls” end up marrying guys who are very exposed. The guys in turn knowing the type of upbringing these girls have, make a decision that they would enjoy the benefits they bring as homemakers while they satisfy their sexual fantasies somewhere else.

These days I know a few ladies who have made up their minds to be all rounders, deciding that they would be a lady in the day and a sex kitten at night. I hear someone say;’abeg it’s not easy jare” and any way, a man who would cheat, would cheat whatever be the case. This might be true, but I think we can learn a lesson or two from our all round sisters who are making it happen. I spoke to Karima my well rounded friend and she shared these tips with me on what a woman needs to be to her man:

1.     The best friend and confidant: When he has an issue, idea, question or worry, you should be the first person he should pick up the phone to call or discuss it with. Yes he has his male friends or his female colleagues, but you should be his number one cheerleader and supporter. You need to develop a shock absorber and sometimes learn to swallow your words, but if you can do this, you would always be privy to information that can affect you and your children’s future.

2.     The Home administrator: this is similar to the homemaker, who takes care of the home. The smart thing about the administrator is that she does not have to do everything by herself; she just has to ensure that everything is done at the right time. She would outsource where necessary and get help where needed, but everything would be done seamlessly most of the time leaving her enough time to still look like she did not lift a finger…

3.     The personal concierge: a concierge usually takes care of high net worth individual’s travel itinerary. As a personal concierge, you appoint yourself his ‘personal assistant’. Ensure that you help with his financial planning, are up to date with his business or career goals and help him manage his relationships. Karima says that men like intelligent women who don’t rub it in their faces, but are able to offer necessary assistance when needed.

4. The masseuse: I rolled my eyes too when Karima told me about this, but yes she has some exotic oils on her table to rub him in places that hurt and pleasure him in the right places also. She is also very skilled in positions and touch points. Karima says she gets her man to say “thank you ma” at least three times a week after she has expertly performed her role as facilitator and collaborator in sexual affairs. Na wha!

5.     The spiritual director: I slanted my eyes when she made this point. And asked; spiritual director ke? Especially because I have not caught my breath after the last point. Oh yes, I pray for him she says. I ensure that I am constantly directing his affairs in the spiritual to ensure that things work out in the natural. And as he gets more successful, I pray harder because I know he is becoming more attractive to loose Lucy.

I left Karima tripping at the fact that I had underestimated the prowess of this quiet unassuming lady. So women, lets squash the equation above and do our best with our men. Let the almighty be the judge that we have done our part, so he can do his part….

Is Karima telling the truth or is she just plain old school? Please over to you, I would really love to read your comments in the comment box below.