Emotional enrichment: The blessing of accepting yourself!

I close my eyes and next thing; I am catapulted back to my days at the university. As a very impressionable freshman; I sat down and listened with rapt attention to the preacher/motivational speaker as he bellowed: You are just perfect the way you are! Anybody fatter than you is too fat, anybody slimmer than you is too slim and on and on he went extolling us on why we should love our selves and accept ourselves for who we are. I left the hall that day walking on air, like I had just hit the jackpot.

Fast forward a few years later..... I am faced with the constant competition of trying to get ahead in the workplace. The medals are reserved for only the best. Its either you perform or you are kicked out! To get a seat at the table, you have to be an 'egg head' which is the term that was used for the bright stars in the consulting firm I worked. My heart beats in tandem with the pressures of deliverable and deadlines. It is somewhat exciting except for one sneaky fact: I don't really know who I am any more...

I make a decision then and there; I would leave the workplace aka corporate Nigeria, to begin the entrepreneurial journey and discover myself again. The thoughts and plans gave me a new lease of life and I had a greater sense of purpose and lo and behold I burnt the bridge and took the step with trepidation and happiness. I set some ground rules; I would not compete against anyone, I would make my own rules and pace my self.

Those where happy times....until the reality of not having enough to make ends meet began to hit. My entrepreneurial romanticism  began to fade away, how was I going to make two plus two add up? How were the people who were making it 'big' doing it? I became a student of the 'Nigerian hustle'. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, as I was not one given to bragging or trying to sound or look more successful than I really was. My 'mentors' and 'coaches' taught me well and soon I caught up with the game: sound a certain way, drop some certain names, go to certain places. I was getting good at it, even beginning to see some benefits, until one day I dropped the ball! I forgot to suck up to some people!

I looked at myself in the mirror and told my self, I am just playing the rules of the game, but my heart said: Is this who you really are? Or have you began to measure your self with the worlds standards again? The charade went on for a while, but the 'real' me caught up and I finally told my self what the preacher said those years ago..... And I want to tell you same:

• You are made perfectly-Our creator doesn't make mistakes in his creation, his ways are perfect, you are made perfectly!
• Your personality is just what you need to fulfill your purpose-You might have heard; you are not aggressive enough, or you are too laid back, or you are too aggressive, or you are not vocal enough  Never good enough by the world's standards. But that doesn't matter, you have been equipped with what you need to fulfill purpose. Just continue to be the best you can be.
• It is okay to live a content life!-We live in a world where greed is celebrated, where getting riches through deceptive means is seen as the norm. As much as we should not become complacent in the name of 'I don't want to be like them', we should be content with God's blessings. 
• Define what success means to you and spend your life achieving your definition- People define success differently, make sure you are building your life by your own definition not another person's. 

I have since redefined success in my own language, and it means Family, Spirituality, balance, Peace, influence, well being, wealth and happiness and that has begun to shape my life's decision and has inspired this blog. 

What is your definition of success? Please share your thoughts in the comment box below..

Stay Empowered!
Tale

Resist the silent treatment, be assertive!

I read the email I just received from mr 'X". I was pissed off! seriously! What gives him the audacity to dictate to me about this particular subject matter? I am getting tired of the fact that he is more talk than action! What to do? I hover between ignoring him and replying him with the most vindictive tone............

I take a deeeeeep breath, say a short prayer and sought counsel from my "therapist'. Don't let other people's bad habit contaminate you, he told me in more words than one. You don't have to react to people because of the way they treat you, keep your head and always be rationale. I sighed at this advice because as much as it is true,but oh how I would have savored the sweet victory of the silent treatment or that short inner sanctification that comes from a vindictive response, but alas................... I have to be the bigger person!

I replied the email after re-reading my response several times to ensure it was decent and the communication was clear. After this incident, I looked back to my past responses to similar situations. I have always hovered between the silent treatment and the nasty!

Extremes have been my forte! As a christian, I have always told my self that I don't have to react to people, but my solution to 'not reacting' has been to either ignore the person aka silent treatment or mentally 'X' the person from my communication list aka Malice......

I have since realized that both of these approaches are not good and might be mis-understood to either mean you don't care or that you consent to what the person has said or accused you of. I have also found out that being aggressive and responding 'pound for pound' is also a dangerous approach, as you might inflict more harm than good.

Communication is very important. And as I was taught in business school, there are 3 types of communication:

• Aggressive: This is say it as you feel it or the confrontational style of communication. Like I described above, choosing this form of communication might mean you speak harsh words that you can never take back and might do permanent damage. I remember the saying: words are like eggs, once they are 'broken' you can't put it back again.
• Passive aggressive: The silent treatment or sly comments could fall into this type of communication. This is when you say a lot by not saying anything. You could pass off as being stubborn, arrogant or uncaring. They say silence means consent, are you really consenting to the accusations?
• Assertive: This is the best and clearest form of communication. When you adopt this form of communication, you clarify your self without being rude or derogatory. You also do not leave room to be mis-understood and you leave room for the relationship to be repaired.

Women have been know to be famous for 'dishing' out the silent treatment! I am not saying it is going to be easy to change, but I have since realized that to be able to build healthy lasting relationships, we need to resist the silent treatment and be assertive!

I stop writing and sigh, oh why do I have to be the bigger person? thinking....................

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Stay empowered,

Tale

I am a woman and that's just fine!

This is my 1st blog post and I am excited to start blogging because in the blog world, I believe I have the opportunity to share my passion for women in an easy and un-inhibited manner.

I have always been into encouraging, motivating and inspiring women to be the best they can be. truthfully, I am a woman's woman. I love women and I love seeing them progress!. Many men have sat down with me to question if I was a feminist or have certain 'sexual' biases.......No I don't!

I love men too! I just believe my calling in life is to create platforms for my sisters to be more successful and fulfilled. I am a Jack of many trades, but one thing that always comes to the fore-front is how whatever cause or business I am involved in is creating platforms for women to become better, stronger, more informed and even wealthier!

I am passionate about Fashion and lifestyle, my business www.recreationsng.com is all about creating products for the stylish woman and the man she loves. We are just on shirts now, but we hope to do more with it.

I am passionate about people prospering in what they do in fashion especially as the industry is made up of 70-80% women. That's why I started www.businesssideoffashion.com. to help people in fashion get access to the tools and resources they need to be more successful business people.

I am passionate about people(especially women) finding the finances to live their dreams or set up their businesses, that's why I am involved with www.talioncapitalandconsulting.com. Their vision is ultimately to become a branded venture capitalist that would provide finances for people like me and you to live their dreams or start/finance their dream businesses.

Finally I would continue to create platforms for women to excel in the 5 key areas of life: Spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, financially and socially. This is the motive of this blog and why I started www.empoweringwomenseries.org. Our mission is to reach as many young women with the message of hope and can do!, so that they would be empowered to be all that God has called them to be.

And back to my heading: I am a woman and that's just fine! Despite all the things I am involved in; I am still a typical woman! I would like my man to provide for me, take care of me and be my leader! I have tried to live the "hustle way" aka make it happen by fire by force! because of a devastating life experience(Maybe I would share with you some time in future) but I have recently come to realize with the counsel of a very good man, that I am just a woman that needs to be a woman!

It doesn't mean I would be lazy or expect a man to be my financial plan! It just means I would enjoy who I am, my uniqueness and just being me!

With Love,
Stay empowered

Tale